The black sky filters dawn
until all of its resistance is gone
and then comes the sunny day
through the trees and past the bay
there's a song playing in the wind
thats talking of all who have sinned
as it passes and catches their conversation
as they talk about everything that has been
Everyone is a song the wind whispers
Some of us are only day trippers
but that's just on the day that's last
when every other day becomes the past
what do you see yourself as
A contest entry
- If I Never Knew You - For New to me poets by CarolDesjarlais.
900 points, ended October 16, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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free verse
while free verse can rhyme, this does not have the breaks that typical free verse has and so I am forced to see it as totally a rhyming poem.
Watch cliche writing... day trippers....and then comes the sunny day through the trees and past the bay
How about some Free verse...where each word is impacting..something, perhaps like this...
black sky filters dawn
resistance goes
out of reach of sun
through trees and bay
song’s winging in wind
on caught conversations
whispering “Sinners!”
everyone is a song the wind whispers
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