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Alone

Under the heat of the day,

Walking the barren streets of pain.

This life is of a constant distress.

My weak and trembling hands,

Grasp tightly together..

My eyes hold a fear.

So many long to understand.

A hunger that I've long learned to ignore..

Grips at me.

The dust and dirt.

Clings almost as well as these tattered clothes.

My eyes water unwillingly.

Fate seems to take a rough hand.

My body is failing..

My mind has weakened.

I'm so lonely and terrified.

But showing these tears that threaten,

Will do no good.

There's nothing left.

No one left.

 

 

Author notes

This isn't my best...but it's what came out

A contest entry

Enjoy

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Knight70 silver member
    October 24, 2007

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    thought provoking....

    Whenever I see someone who is homeless, I think about how I might feel were I in their shoes. Each one has their own painful story to tell. It could happen to any of us, really. I think about those that are suffering, not just here in the United States, but all around the world. It reminds me to be thankful for what little I own. I look at the roof over my head in a little apartment with my family, and think about how this little apartment would be a heavenly gift in some areas of the world. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be so alone.

    Knight70


  • Poetic-Dreamer
    October 19, 2007

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    Its emotion. Emotion never shows its best it shows the truth. You grasped the idea beautifuly and the shoes you put on are ones not wanted but commenly worn. You wrote on the expericence beautifuly. Congradulations on the silver.


    • irishmidnight
      November 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Knight70

      I love it when you leave me comments...they always make me smile. Thanks hun!! **hugs tight***

    • irishmidnight
      November 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Elleon

      It was an interesting write to say the least. thanks for the heartfelt comments...it was a joy to get the chance to post in this contest...


  • Angel w o Wings
    October 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written. The feelings are very valid in nature. Good luck in the contest.


  • RX-Queen
    October 18, 2007
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    wow a truely excellent poem, love your work..

  • Bob Fox
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Reaching out

    Thru the power of words we can create a warmth that helps us thru the dark times. Write on young poet . Write on


  • Even-I-Can-Return
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful, captivating. This is truely a wonderful piece. This is my favoite section.

    A hunger that I've long learned to ignore..
    Grips at me.
    The dust and dirt.
    Clings almost as well as these tattered clothes.

    It shows the picture well. The image appears so rapidly it's almost like it slaps you in the face, the whole "I'm here now" kinda image. It's a wonderful poem and I'm really glad I had the oppertunity to read it. Thank you for sharing. It's marvelous.

    • irishmidnight
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      AshtonGodOfTheFallen

      Thank you so very much for taking the time to give me an honest opinion!! It means alot to me to know that someone out there really understands what im writing **hugs** thanks again


  • HaleyMary
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was a very powerful write. Powerful emotion expressed in this piece. Great descriptive imagery, too. For some reason it brought to my mind an image of someone who was dying alone. I think in life one of the worst things is to be alone, especially on days when we may feel like we need someone the most. Despite what you say in your author notes, I thought this piece was one of your best writes. Good luck in the contest.

    • irishmidnight
      October 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Arzab

      Thank you...it was an interesting write to say the least. And your praise stuns me!! I'm blushing...**grins** I love your comments. They always bring a smile to my face. Thank you so much for tyaking the time to write out an honest adn endearing comment!!!


  • Anguas-Confusion gold member
    October 15, 2007
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    you brought a tear to my eye, a great description of the feeling of dying...

    • irishmidnight
      October 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      anguas-confusion

      **Smiles warmly** thank you...I didn't think it turned out to great...but I guess it was otherwise!! Thank you so much!!

      • Anguas-Confusion gold member
        October 15, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        It's a very well written poem, better than my useless attempt, but hey... at least we are all recognising that there are people out there that are suffering and that we can alert others about it. much luck in the contest

1 - 17 of 17