Deeply rooted on firm ground.
My branches dip to kiss
The earth beneath and all around;
My support, life, and lover.
I do not weep,
this is a dance;
a slow rhythmic waltz of joy with the wind.
I touch those who I may,
with soft brush of leaf.
If they enter this veil of branches,
they find shelter there-
In my life and heart.
I spread seeds of thought-
some never to see again.
Others grow nearby.
Rejoice in their beauty.
Some people see me and mourn;
They cannot know my heart.
I am not sad,
but live in peace,
with the deep abiding knowledge
of who I am.
Author notes
10/18 edit: bit of pruning.
A contest entry
- Who are you? by Melissa Gayle.
3500 points, ended October 21, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please, don't crush my tender ego.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i am re-reading the contest entries and decided to comment more personally this time around -
and i did notice the removal of the 'my's'
sometimes i believe that it is nature we are one with, whether meant to be or not, it is what allows us to be who we truly are
without the thought of what others may think
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-Some people see me and morn;
mourn?
Wish I was at complete peace with myself.
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oops. I keep finding more edits on this one. Thanks for catching that. I have friends that think my life is too boring.
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hehe I like the bit of pruning note.
ok..back to the poem..
I like the metaphor, and you've worked with it nicely, leaving cliche out, I appreciate that.
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Thanks!
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I have used the earth and soil as a metaphor for myself as well, your opening stanza immediately reminded me of that - love where you take it.
The repetitive 'my' in the fourth line of stanza one is a bit distracting.
The only other thing I can suggest is perhaps cutting back on the "I" in the piece -
otherwise nicely done -
You paint a nice picture-you made me like who you are.
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Thanks!
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