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And the thunderous sky turned.... orange??

And the thunderous sky turned.... orange??

Raindrops of the clearest blue,
Fresh green grass dotted with dew.
The autumnal shades are more exciting,
Passionate, warm and so inviting.

The leaves fell crisp at my feet,
Every colour under the sun.
A downfall of expression,
So alive yet really dead.

Dance beneath the trees,
Under the yellow canopys,
Every shade of my soul,
Made complete and whole.

No rain no sun,
Just the clearest moon,
Goodbye to summer tempests,
Farewell to spring drizzle.

Its bold its beautiful,
Its the seasonal rebel,
Emphasizing everything,
And it never gets tiring.

So to the stormy summers nights
Your time is over
For when a bolt of lightning crosses the sky
It illuminates the red-brown trees
And thus, the thunderous sky turned orange.

 

 

Author notes

OK sentimental, yes, but its become a habit of writing a seasonal poem every so often(thank you British English lessons). I like it, its certainly nowhere near my best, but I reckon its a sweet tribute to my favorite season. Critical but constructive advice accepted!

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Evinde
    December 19, 2008

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    Very nice description of Autumn, I really like this. A couple spelling errors, maybe a few places it didn't flow as well; but that's about it


  • Frodofan silver member
    November 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting alternation between rhyme and not, but I wonder if it had much of a purpose or if it was just something you did for the first two stanzas and stuck with it?

    I like the rhyming and I like the description. Autumn is my favorite season...

  • grannyeri gold member
    November 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Liked how you explained the title right at the end; vivid visuals throughout these lines; easy to read and understand as well.

  • Felissa
    November 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    If I had to write a poem about a season, I would pick fall, too. There's just something magical about it.
    I don't know why, but this is my favorite part:

    Dance beneath the trees,
    Under the yellow canopys,
    Every shade of my soul,
    Made complete and whole


  • ca ne fait rien
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I shuffled through leaves up to my knees- I swear it- when I walked the dog tonight. They seem particularly crisp this year.
    I liked the warmth and passion in the poem- you captured the vigour of the season really well. The title and last line-
    'the thunderous sky turned orange' is an image that is very evocative both in the visual it leaves the reader and the sonics of the phrase.

    The other lines I liked were these

    'Its bold its beautiful,
    Its the seasonal rebel,'

    They are examples of 'show don't tell' which work well with your underlying idea and theme.

    (I don't know if you are interested in grammar corrections, if you are 'its' in these lines should be
    'it's' as a contraction of 'it is' and 'canopys' should be 'canopies'. Please don't take offence and ignore me if you don't want that kind of critique. I notice that you are careful with your punctuation and spelling, so just thought you might like them picked up. )

    You have some very good lines and ideas here and certainly convey the spirit and ethos of the season.





  • Sidra Sabella
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a nice peice, you captured the spirit of autumn quite well. i like it^^very pretty and thoughtful.

    No rain no sun,
    Just the clearest moon,
    Goodbye to summer tempests,
    Farewell to spring drizzle.

    this stanza was the best.


  • Angelic Princess21
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    autumn is a very nice time of year. and i love it. the colorful leaves falling. summer is just to hot for me. very nice write here i loved it. great job. keep it up
    ~*~Angel~*~

  • IrishYndina
    October 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Autumn is my favorite season as well...something about a season of change appeals to me. Plus it's just plain pretty lol. In your last stanza, I think you mean either "summer nights" or "summer's night" - both plural and no possessive doesn't come off quite right. And in the stanza before that, both of your "its" should be "it's" - it is. Out of curiousity, is there a reason your meter changed over the course of the poem? At first, I thought it was getting shorter and shorter, almost like you were mimicking something falling, gaining momentum. But then it kind of leveled out at around six beats per line, and fluctuated back and forth a bit. Hm. Maybe I'm over-analyzing lol. Nicely penned.

  • Shamanicmusings
    October 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Sweet

    Autumnal hues and apples.
    Time to light the home fires.

  • Summer Dawn
    October 16, 2007
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    i absolutely love fall the most!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Canis Lupus
    October 16, 2007

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    oh yeah wow, this is great, I love Autumn too ans I liked how how you linked the orange sky with the leaves at the end.

    Great Stuff!


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    October 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is very beautiful

1 - 12 of 12