Strange
you and me
living together
separately
strangely connected like
lint inside a vacuum cleaner
pulled by unseen forces...
manipulating arms and heads
and wired smiles.
Something
strange...someone grinning at us
mockingly sneering, pointing to
the hedge along the edge of
isosceles sameness, where we
d
a
n
g
l
e
suspended
like triangulated bits of
substrata transparencies
occasionally side-stepping
one another only half-asking,
"How are you?"
Half-answering, "fine,"
while disappearing down crouded
streets into moving
s
h
a
d
o
w
s
Spectres of you and me...married
singles looking without s e e i n g
speaking without h
e
a
r i n g
hearing without
listening...without genuine
interest.
Mechanical jesters occasionally
g e s t u r i n g...grunts and nods
while mentally flipping the invisible
middle f i n g e r...puppets mechanically
sharing communion together.
Our s i n g u l a r act of contrition,
our sin offering to a dead god
we buried some w h e r e
between too many broken promises...
missed dinners and s t r a n g e
receipts for unseen gifts.
Please, tell me (but gently in held whispers)
where oh where have we g o n e! and
to whom do we pass this chalice
of bitter disconnect
in this phyto-physical
psycho-drama we somehow
strangely
still...
lovingly call
our
l
i
f
e
..........................................................................
Author notes
Closure Prompt
A contest entry
- closure by ellipsist.
600 points, ended November 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT REAL EMOTION!!!! Cathartic writing - Open to everyone by theworldisquiethere.
650 points, ended November 8, 2007, 35 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4:44 - a n y t h i n g by the chase.
900 points, ended October 26, 2007, 45 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1700 points, ended October 22, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Thats Left Of Yesterday by Saree Wynter.
600 points, ended October 21, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ..::::..I Love you a way that No one would ever Understand..::::..Just Give me TWISTED LOVE POEMS.. by Stripes.
540 points, ended April 18, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This poem is over fifty words, i have to remove it from the contest. How good this poem is is irrelevant, please read a contest before you enter one and save us both some trouble.
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So much to talk about... where do i start..
just by looking at this poem, its so pleasing to the eyes.. wonderfully written and such a good choice of topic to write about... i like this poem because its not typical and it has a lot of emotion and its so personal.. it's like reading someones thoughts... thank you so much for entering and good luck.. you are very talented.. keep writing! -
emotional, for certain... I think the shapes and formatting of the words, in some paces, instead of adding to the tone and driving the message home, distracts a little from the intensity of the effect that the piece would otherwise have... for its length, you manage, quite remarkably, not to be very repetitive... I like this, but would personally prefer something with a more standard structure just because the word spacing/shaping in some places detracts, for me, at least somewhat from the meaning...
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This dishonesty and selfishness in a relationship because neither has the courage to open up and give affection or let go sound painfuly familiar. The emotion of this poem is so honest and straight forward. I enjoyed this a lot!
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Your poem is powerful but unless it “grows on me”
it’s not what I am looking for here. I don’t know yet.
Thank you for entering my contest.
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Well that was very neat. The structure (or lack there of) adds a lot of strength to the piece. I enjoyed reading this and even read it out loud a second time.
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This piece has some very weird lines and metaphors that caught my attention, such as "strangely connected like/lint inside a vacuum cleaner/pulled by unseen forces,"
"wired smiles,"
"only half-asking,/'How are you?,'"
"half-answering, 'fine,'"
"broken promises.../missed dinners and strange/receipts for unseen gifts,"
and the last line
Great write!
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Dear midnightsun000,
Thank you for hosting this contest, for the handsome bronze trophy in honor of MECHANICAL PUPPETS and the points.
Blessings of
PEACELOVELIGHT
liquid
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LOVELY!!
WOW!!! this was powerful and beautifully laid on the page...very honest and i love the form. great job!!!!!
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