*PLEASE VIEW THE PICTURE THAT GOES WITH THIS POEM
* THE LINK IS IN THE AUTHOR NOTES*
Synthetic sympathy,
She reaches up from her roots,
toward Heaven aims questions
of forgiveness and penance,
twisted and knotted thoughts.
Like the leaves of starved trees
reach upward for the sun and the light,
she begs mother natures’ counsel-
Plead to our Father my case, my plight?
A pebble so small and so weak,
her heart seems to her so dark
like blank and silent lamps
after snuffing the light,
or choking the spark.
Pocket change remains a receipt,
so she cast the lot of it to the sea.
They fell from her hand a betrayal,
like the coins Judas dropped
when he hung himself from a tree.
Rip tide torrent of tears,
drowning in sorrow.
Umbilical apparition haunting,
heart and womb hollow.
Victim thundercloud connects
lightning cord to assassin,
evil grey sky laughing and spitting
insults of murder and sin.
Stormclouds of regret
gather up force
on winds of denial,
of abominable acts
foul and most vile.
An image tied to a memory and
vacuumed out of a nightmare;
sutured visions reconnect horror
and circumcise dreams where
Doctor Death wears all Black,
and life goes on no more.
Author notes
The poem is about Abortion. Regrets and remembrances prompted by image depicted in picture.
~Picture credit ~
http://damnengine.deviantart.com/art/canopic-echolocation-1-21509516
@Deviantart.com
A contest entry
- The Dark Stuff - PIF by Touchof1der.
700 points, ended October 19, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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oh my god thwee emotion in this great write threatens to blow the readeerr away. thanks so much for sharing this.
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eeep o.o so very sad..
good job, seriously. you've thought a lot about this and its good to be committed to something. thanks for your entry and good luck in not only my contest but all the others you've entered in
plus congrats on the bronze -
great JOB! why I love to write ...and read!!
your a finalist!
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I could tell you really thought long and hard about this... good job
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Rip tide torrent of tears I like this I didn't quite understnad all of it to start with but I got it after I read the AN I like this poem it is very well written. thank you for entering.
~*~An Unwritten Truth~*~ -
wow this is an amazing piece which really does express views of many and left me thinking over your words at the end
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Very vivid images.
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Abortion Abomination; Beautiful Portrayal
This poem along with the image so vividly describes how abortion has TWO victims; the unborn child ripped from the womb AND the mother whose soul and conscience are murdered along with the child. This is very effective in a Right to Life campaign!
Thanks so much for sharing
Erik
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Such a dark and sad write, I am glad that you have written what the poem was about in the AN. I was a little unsure, so I re-read it. I can't believe how I could of missed that. Your last stanza, An image tied to a memory and vacuumed out of a nightmare; sutured visions reconnect horror and circumcise dreams where Doctor Death wears all Black,and life goes on no more." Is so realistic, Great write. Congrats on the Bronze.
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Tragic and beautiful. It seems as if it could easily depict not only abortion, but miscarriages as well. Great flow and imagery, and chock full of emotion
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beautiful. i love it, and i can't see why it hasn't won a gold yet.
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That was truly amazing... Your imagery nearly choked the breath out of me!!! I am impressed with this lovely peice. It deserves more than bronze if you ask me! Keep submitting to contests until you get a gold, my dearest.
AMAZING.
+[♥]=HollyxHavok=[♥]+
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Outstanding wording and images! Read so well, too. I thought this was an amazing write! LOVED your wording!
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Wow... This is simply wonderful! I just love the imagery you used throughout this peice... Though you picked such a dark topic, you wrote so deeply about it...
The flow throughout this piece was amazing... You really kept my attention with the vivid details, and the wonderful imagery. This is really beautiful (yet sad) piece...
Wonderful write, and enjoyable read...
Keep penning, wonderful poet :) *rose*
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This poem is amazing, I loved the imagery you used.
"Victim thundercloud connects
lightning cord to assassin,
evil grey sky laughing and spitting
insults of murder and sin."
Simply beautiful <3
- Jojo x sinnocence -
amazing poem, keep up the great work
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BRAVO! BRAVO!
I just loved that...synthetic sympathy...wow,
that's a great opener! Whoa...what a powerful write!
Just pierces right through us!
well done poet, well done!
magnificent poem very smartly written!
ears/Seattle
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wow deep, amazing write, you did this with such....I dunno.....searching for the right word. but indeed written brilliantly....such compassion, there it is
congrats on the shiney, you've been featured for todays poem, thank you for sharing
Tasha
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Amazing imagery allows this somewhat controversal subject to be expressed wonderfully...
Seeping with sadness!
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wow this is an intresting and inspiriing write from the prompt whioch really holds alot of depth to the picture. well done and congrats on the bronze
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There is a lot of interesting imagery in here. It is a dark poem, although I have to admit I wouldn't really get what it was about if you hadn't put that note in the author's box there. That might be because I kinda skimmed it though... Sorry I just have trouble reading some longish poetry. Otherwise this was still a really good poem expressing a feeling that lots of people probably feel. The picture also added to the effect of the overall feeling of the poem
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Longish? Eh, oh well. I gave it everything I got.
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3xBravo!
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This is such a poignant piece of thought you have penned here. The depth of her pain, highlighted in brilliant shades of endearing and empathetic imagery throughout.
This is probably one of the most intriguing pieces I have ever read on the subject, referring to the pain that one can experience.
"A pebble so small and so weak,
her heart seems to her so dark
like blank and silent lamps
after snuffing the light,
or choking the spark."
I cannot imagine the inner turmoil of such an experience, though I have been a witness to those who have faced that 'demon'.
The image itself is so gripping, even complementing the words to an extent, in my opinion, allowing your reader to experience it from the outside looking in.
It is such a very controversial act, to abort. I am pro-life, only when it comes to me... I could not fathom the thought of having to make such a choice.
Excellent write indeed.
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I am at a loss for words with this piece... well done on a well worded and crafted piece here well done
Karen
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A very deep, thought provoking poem that makes the reader feel and taste the pain herein. Such a delicate topic to pen on, and done so very well. I personally am pro-choice, though it not be my personal choice, and have much sympathy for those who must burden the guilt and pain after one. You took here a dangerous seed, and grew something wonderful. I applaud you.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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This was so deep but it did all come together for me and I realized what it was about in the end! A very heart breaking topic a lot of sadness! You did a wonderful job expressing the view of the person. Thanks for sharing!
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wow you wrote about such a touchy subject so poetically. it's not crude in anyway...
this is very well done, takes talent to write like this about such difficult things.
definately deserves a bravo, congrats on thr trophy
Tasha
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I agree with Denierim on the subject issue and the fact of how well this was written. You took a volatile subject and showed the innermost darkness that remains after the fact. Kudos to you for having the courage and strength to write this emotional piece. Best of luck in the contest for you and keep writing poet. Very powerful write. &hearts seamaiden
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This is a very dangerous subject because a lot of people have different opinions of it. I respect this poem a lot because you had the courage to write about it and did it better than anyone else I've read that have attempted to do the same. The emotions are very strong in this one, painting this moment where you feel it all; the darkness, the sadness, the pain...
I love the wording you chose and the flow was amazing from the beginning to the very end. At first read it didn't really come out as an abortion poem (which is a good thing for me) and I only noticed that simple fact fully when I read your author's notes. I went back and read it again and it made perfect sense to the topic. I like poems like this. They can be read in so many different ways, and still they fit best with the writer's own views. These are hard to write, and you have my full respect with this one.
Wonderful work!
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Wonderful Lyrics you've penned here....
I think everything in this piece is great
Such a strong and passionate message about "Abortion" a very touchy subject indeed that you have captured very well. Congratulations on your trophy...although I think it deserved GOLD
Great Job!
ephiphany
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A beautiful piece. Very dark and sad. Well penned, can't wait to read more!!!
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wow... dark and saddening, yet beautifully written.
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This is a really twisted poem. I don't know whether you'll take that as a compliment or not and I'm not sure if it is one. But anyway, it is a brillinat poem either way, if a bit hard to understand when you read it first off. I'm gald you included the author notes or I would have no idea what you were on about, lol. Congrats on the trophy, this poem deserves it.
In writing,
The Black Poet
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Taken as a compliment to the dark subject it covers.
thanx,
Grimoire
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Wow. I don't know what to say to this. First of all, your use of words and flow did a fantastic job to set the tone of the poem. But more than that, the raw emotion was so impacting.
Congratulations on your bronze, however I feel this was worth more than its weight in gold, platinum, and diamonds.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Thank you. I tried to make it as impacting as possible, and dark. A very difficult subject, I am glad you found it worthy of "Poem of The Day".
humbly,
ted
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WOW! This was really good. When reading it the mental images varied on so many dark things revolving around loss of life. Good going and congratulations. Herma
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Thanx. I tried to vary the images between my own inner feelings, and the emotions the picture invoked. Loss of life is difficult to interpret and I was as straightforward as I could be, without hipocrisy creeping in.
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I asked for dark and you definitely gave me dark in spades. I like the way your thoughts brought this one out. It shows great diversity and creativity. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you in the contest. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
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Thanx. I was definitely going for the dark aspect. I wasn't sure if it was going to be intelligible as presented, so I made sure to include my overall theme in the Authors notes. Thanx again for your kind comments, I am honored again just to be able to express myself, whether or not I win, it was just my opinion of what the emotions of someone might be + the picture. ted
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I will need to read this one way more than once, but I already got a lot out of this first read, wow. Good luck in the contestlol
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Thanx. I am glad that you got a lot out of the first reading, and even more glad that you want to read it again. I feel that the good stuff to read has more meaning , and clarity with each successive reading. Yet still has enough depth, clearly interpreted the first reading. thanx again....... ted
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wow, I realy dont know what to say, its an amazing emotional piece of writting, and for some one whos gone thru abortion and regrets it, it is so........
just amazing
nite stalking
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Wonderful
This is a beautiful and powerful write, you have taken it one step beyond to get the message across.
Rip tide torrent of tears,
Drowning in sorrow.
Umbilical apparition haunting,
heart and womb hollow.
This words really are heart wrenching. You have portrayed your feeling very well indeed. A superb flow adds to its beauty. Best of luck in the contest!
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Thank you for that. A difficult subject and I wasn't sure of myself, my conviction stayed the course though. I hope it is clear enough to interpret, and that the words are subtle enough .
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"Rip tide torrent of tears,
Drowining in sorrow.
Umbilical apparition haunting,
heart and womb hollow."
WOW! This is a powerful piece on such a sensitive subject. No matter one's opinion of the legal right to abortion, the reality is that the experience itself is a heartwrenching, emotional one, with memories that can hold a lifetime of "what if's". Hoping that the right choice has been made, but filled with regret at having had to make the choice at all.
This is a dark write (in keeping with the photo prompt), but it is indeed a noteworthy one. I wish you luck in the contest. ....JustBreathe
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Thanx. I had the word prompt, "synthetic sympathy", then I found the picture and added it to tie them together. I based the imagery and wording on my perspective, not really fully understanding what it must be like. I tried to focus on, regret, forgiveness, etcetera.
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Written well, but had I not seen your
author notes I wouldn't have known it
was about abortion...ahhh, but we readers
make our own interpretations, don't we?
Very good entry for the type of contest
this was written for. Good luck
Love, Lane
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