A pounding.
My bubble pops.
At the blink of an eye,
my world has gone from wet to dry.
Tossed and turned up side down.
Everything more confining.
Flashes of light are blinding.
Pressure all around,
pushing me down,
I fight and scratch,
try to claw my way back,
back to my safe little space.
Strange sounds,
now echo all around,
blood rushes to my face.
Franticly I kick as my world continues to change,
then light, sound, push,
farther down I go again.
Wait!
A brief moment of silence and calm takes over this place,
suddenly,
a rumble starts to build,
my heart begins to race.
With one last tremendous push,
I am thrust towards the unknown,
never again to see the place
that for nine months was my home.
In a list
A contest entry
- 3396 Total Points to be awarded: Rounds contest!!!! Final gold winner 1500 points!!!!Round Three, final round!!! by opaqueangel.
1500 points, ended October 18, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different by lesbian-in-love.
675 points, ended November 26, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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ahh very nice...perfect flow, and i love the anticipation and general confusion that sets the mood for the piece...i like the way you describe life's first sensations!
good luck, and thanks for entering
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A very deserving trophy holder! One we can certainly all relate too! lol. Pace style etc all well suited for this write - well done!
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This was very well written. You gave a very vivid description of what babies probably think when they are born. I loved it.
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Congrats on the gold and honorable mention trophies this was a piece that I can honestly say I have never read anything like it before.
Very nicely done!
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wow, this was very different. it flowed nicely. i also loved the description and imagery you used in this poem. if i could i would applaud you 3x. except i just started a contest, so i have no points.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
Good flow with a terrific ending (rhythm & rhyme).
Found "my world has gone from wet to dry" amusing - brilliant choice of words.
Good work!
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Very interesting. I loved it. The way it flowed was beautiful. The background is great. Thanks so much for entering and good luck to you.
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This is an interesting take on the prompt.
I hear this piece as almost a beat poem. Your end rhyme works well and it seems to have almost a frantic pace to it until right up at the end where the infant enters the world - and everyone takes a breath.
Thank you for your great entry.
~Elora~
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You've truly captured the momentand amazing descripion!!
Oh,and it's "frantically"...
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Beautiful entry.
I think you have a winner here!
Only one correction...it should be thrust...not thrusted....
Best of luck!
*PEACE*
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great entry...you really captured the concepts of brith and so far the most accurate response to the contest....great write good luck in the contest
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Thi si sreally amazing!!! This is the best entery I have recieved so far! Truely well written. I really enjoyed the imagery as the tiny infant is pushed through the brithing canal! You captured what a confussing time this must be for this child, oh I also love how you mentioned the "pop", great realism! Good luck in round three!!!
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