Mai-Haa vs. My Demons

I was in a burning building
My entire life
Trying to scream
There were no doors
To free me from the fire
No windows would open
To clear the air

I kept trying to breathe
As the smoke filled my mouth
It hit my taste buds as I inhaled
And I choked
My lungs burst
Like a grenade contained in a pocket
Dispersing my depression
Into pieces
Of my body

The smoke grew stronger

I always felt a demon
Of hatred and hopelessness
Blew black smoke in my face
And watched it surround me
Burning my eyes
That seeped consistent
And slow

I was engulfed
In a black cloud
Of life’s chaos
That can’t be avoided
Debt of the broke
Disaster of distressed
Death of dear ones
Choices
Made because conscience
Couldn’t avoid temptation

The smoke grew stronger

I felt my body dying
I felt my body numbing

To choices made
And those that need deciding

I surrendered
To the smoke
That surrounded me

I surrendered
My soul
I surrendered
My self
I surrendered
My life

As lay collapsed upon the floor
Someone came
Someone always does
A gift from Mai-haa
A baby, a friend, a savior
Who carries sage and cedar
Carrying prayer
With pieces of earth
Burning before my eyes

I watched the smoke
As the eagle feather waved before me
Smearing smoke over my being
Entering my spirit
That has neared it’s demise

Instead
Retaliation
Against regret
Retaliation
Against death

I inhaled
Faith I had forgotten
I inhaled
Life I had lost
I inhaled
The love of Mai-haa
I longed for

The smoke grew stronger

It rose and danced before me
Combined and lessened the black
The numbness neared extinction
As grey grew into white

Salvation

And I surrendered
To spiritual smoke
That consumed me

Retaliation before surrender
To the reality
Of a suffered death
Or a suffered life