I have wandered into a carnal house,
with red drapes.
The needles are sold in leather kits
with extra spaces for the hits.
Lingerie ladies spit at plastic spoons
vagabonds are dainty with their little fingers
on the teacup, Diamond Jims overdose
on dominoes
and according to the different doors
everyone's a whore.
I have withered a Montesquieu,
skewered his Capulet
ran screaming through populated streets;
ignored the Law, carried Carrie's rags,
so says the warrant in the rooster's withered claw.
FishwhiteBur gundyBluevei ned,
lost without my cane
I await admittance
to this merry Charnal Hall
where naked women hang upon the wall
the screams are more than I can bear
but the doors are locked and barred.
The women on the wall
glare back at me
their hands nailed to the tapestry
a noble stag impaled
with guile and artistry
empty laughter drifts to me
an aroma sick and stale.
Cream on this Modality
shouts the Chandolier
While Chanticleer of folded wing
dies whitely on the coat rack
and reminds me of Mortality
and croaks remotely of morality;
And Paine in rumpled suit
of Velvet Sistine Stains, removes
the tag of pamphleteer
and gives me my high heels.
Avastashar! he shouts,
which seems to quiet mirth
and give me some sense
of my own worth,
as just another musketeer
holding my high heels,
with the anguished ladies staring down.
In a list
A contest entry
- Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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great write.The picture was a little of.......never mind about the picture.Your piece is well written.I like how u let it flow in some parts.very good.Keep up the good work and keep writing.
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I do believe there is enough comments on here to try and say what they have gotten out of the read. I will say that when I first saw the picture I thought it was a really bad infected sore, then realized it was once I started reading the first two stanzas. Congrats on the HM for the contest, well deserved.
Jen -
great writing. I enjoyed this very much. I liked how it seemed to be open to one's interpretation. great work! keep them coming. peace always, Kendal
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the picture looks like heroin residue? all charred and blackened and the way this twists and weaves in and out of lucidity and surreal images ... is like a drug induced high and the come down too... in anguish and pain??
i dunno... i might be way off... it could just be a burnt out star fading fast...
anyways... it made me ponder and read a few times...
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I am missing a few of the references but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I pictured a burlesque house, (with scarlet and black velvet wallpaper for some reason) in which this all happens in different rooms. I especially liked the third stanza and the entire poem had a wonderful flow, fast (like the action within).
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Within the walls
Within the walls of the lost and lame
Stands a man holding his cane
In wait for his number someday to be called
To taste the evil after all
-
Darling
I followed you fast
your poem from past
history and images glass
that evaporated like gas.
Smoosh
Janet -
I found a Lute Poem I can get Points on. Though I must say, Worm's comments about deers here really cracks me up (sigh, you've been gone to long to get that joke, I think).
Well this is marvelous. It is rich and velvety thick, crushed and shiny dirty creamy delicious. Naked too.
But but ..oh behind the drapes. So so much. As usual. I could spend a better part of the week here I bet. I'm most interested ith The Persian Letters ... at least right now.
This would be a wonderful painting.
-
FishwhiteBurgundyBlueveined,
lost without my cane
I await admittance
to this merry Charnal Hall
where naked women hang upon the wall
the screams are more than I can bear
but the doors are locked and barred
hope you don't mind sweary words, if you do you can delete this but fan fucking tastic! -
I read this entire poem and I have no idea what it's all about.
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Quite the place you have described here - painting, musicians, - what no famous poets spewing forth from the mouth? Enjoyed this read - nicely done.
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Great use of imagery to convey the feeling you intended in this write. Very well-written and enjoyable to read.
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yes
this was a relly really good write and i hope you keep promoting it, when all is said and done i am going to have to applaud it. nice use of imagery and vocab, good job at capturing the perfect moment.
-adam -
As an expert on the art of going as you so quaintly put Stag Hunting,
(Over here it would be a buck, no not a dollar, a male deer, The points on the antler are indeed pertinent, poignant even, which is why you should have posted your plagiarised no pointer under "To Innocence" where you would have recieved points as I am sure you have not commented for the sake of a point, or points as the case may be. -
Shit. I'd already commented on this one, hence, no points. Suitably postmodern outcome I feel. Also, get exactly what I deserve. Yup.
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Further to your 'point':
'Shouldn't that be "point"? In the sense that you are making a point. I mean if you are making a point. Though of course you could be making points, as that would fit the description of snide, which comes of course from walking endlessly in the English Rain and wishing evil to befall the rest of the world. but what be the point of that, and of course you could always migrate to Aussie land and broil in the endless sun. Which might change your outlook from snide to often piqued, that is however hypotheticalof course, as I have never been to either place, and there may be different temperments involved, not all of them evolved in the same manner as the worms, I am sure. Nevertheless , it seems crucial to point out that we recieve exactly what we deserve, as the awarding of one point so richly points out. Hopefully, however the underlying sublimnity of your thought entitles you to this liberal excess in the use of language and it is indeed points which you have made with your point.'.
Doesn't a 'point' relate to a stag's antlers in some way? I think it may be the technical term. I felt it highly pertinent here. Poignant, even.
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Well I don't have Painters, Musicians, or other Authors to reference, all I have is my brain.
Trying to picture guy in heels...mmmmm....yummy. Although, I may have gone with stilettos rather than high-heels, but that's just me (and my twisted little fantasy world).
So, I have this picture in my head of a guy wandering around in a clothing/bondage type shop, where they don't only offer clothes, but other "interests" are filled as well, and there are all these thick nude tapastries hung up over all the walls and there's some goth music "screaming" from the speakers...yea, I need help.
Anyway, you still a dirty birdy...bad Lute!
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Reminded me of:
"You'll see your woman hanging upside down
Her features covered by her fallen gown
And all the lousy little poets coming round
Trying to sound
Like Charlie Manson
And the white man dancing"
Easier for the worm to play the old quote-a-Cohen game than to attempt comprehensio n, but it does seem like a gallery of liars telling lies of different flavours. Can't get any specific AP references: I am naive, maybe.
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Now this is poetry! It reminded me of Coleridge. So much metaphor and symbolism. I am blown away. Loved these lines:
The women on the wall
glare back at me
their hands nailed to the tapestry
a noble stag impaled
with guile and artistry
empty laughter drifts to me
and aroma sick and stale. -
I am dying to know.. what music was on when this was being written.... Velvet Sistine Stains- favorite line.. read that outloud and its about like Favvvvahhhhh
beans... lol I loved this! -
The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland~ Yikes! Eyes follow you wherever you go and I wanted to poke a hole ~ Great write my dear and keep them coming~ Big hugs and much love~ Desire
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I find I had a mixture of emotions when reading this well penned write...from
excitement to calm and back again and maybe a little surprise too. Nicely done! Irene -
This is so elegantly sleazy...tha
nks for a grand tour. -
Oh yea... this is amazing ! Sometimes I feel like i'm dancing around in your head, and its a wild ride :-)
"The women on the wall
glare back at me
their hands nailed to the tapestry
a noble stag impaled
with guile and artistry
empty laughter drifts to me
and aroma sick and stale."
I just love that part :-)
Brilliant work,
~Wendy -
she seems to be so out of place
searching
she finds him in a trance
intoxicated by bitter elixer
spilled
by moans of mindless minds
his heart impoverished
by sheer glance
she turns away
to flee with silver pathways
from this crimson hell
but whimpers
from these tearful souls
captured her soul:
no release for her tender heart
from their bloody spell
and nailed to agony
she also died
- again -
for them
Edited on Oct 09, 8:52 because ''. -
This is brilliant poet..... even frank would be proud....
I will be haunted by the ladies on the wall for awhile. -
according to the different doors
everyone's a whore.- I love the implicationsof this line. We all sell out in some way.
carried Carrie's rags, fantastic allusion to Stephen King's classic horror!
There are more allusions that I feel I should know, but they elude me at the moment. I shall come back to ponder them, and try to trip my way through these nighmare images so vividly told.
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It kept making me think of Botticelli. I don't know why, really, but something about the women nailed to the walls. A badass write Mr.Musicman.
Sing me another song and I will be more than happy to listen.
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