They say we’re all the same,
Compare us to crayons in a box,
A little bit different,
But all still dots.
We’re all dots on the surface,
On the paper they’re using,
We mean nothing to them,
In the world, we’re losing.
We’re losing individuality,
We’re all just the same,
Just crayons in a box,
With no name.
But there’s so many of us,
They can’t control us all,
One day we’ll break free,
We’ll get out of this hole.
We’re stuck in a hole,
Deep in the ground,
And they yell at us if,
We even make a sound.
But it’s hard to stay quiet,
When you’re anything like me,
A girl like me can’t be locked up,
I need to be free.
Let me into the outside world,
Where I can run and play,
I can’t stay here anymore,
I’ll die within the day.
Author notes
1. Bracken: a large fern or brake
2. Large: of more than average size, quantity, degree, etc.; exceeding that which is common to a kind or class; big; great: a large house; a large number; in large measure; to a large extent.
3. Class: a number of persons or things regarded as forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits; kind; sort: a class of objects used in daily living.
No idea how I got this poem from that, but I read the words and definitions and started writing, this is what i came up with =)
A contest entry
- A Write of Surprises! Come in! PIF by luvdrkchocolate.
425 points, ended November 19, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Most Inspiring Contest Hosts for October by ea.
600 points, ended November 11, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hello! I'm glad to see you could make my contest.
I think that you did a very good job with the hard word that I gave you. That's really cool. And even if you can't see where the word inspired your poem, I think I can. The really great thing about this poem is that it could be about society and how everyone is expected to be like everyone else. Or maybe it could be about a group of friends or a situation. So it is really versitale. I think you did a good job with this.
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I don't think you're going for humor here but when you talked about being crayons stuck in a hole, I would have liked to see this piece use that metaphor and maybe talk about being sharpened in the hole in the box or something - keeping with the crayons. I also would have done something with the different colors, at least, and maybe played up on the fact that the texture society is looking for us to conform to is waxy and smooth, not too pointed. Peel the paper a bit - if you are going to be a crayon. That's my advice. Thank you.
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This poem catches beautifully the need to breath deeply who we are and explore the possiblities. Delightful metaphor, nicely developed, strong sense of urgency. Well done.
Love, Tom B.
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i like the development of your ideas in this poem... going from a simple statement of originality, to a longing for freedom.
all tied together perfectly.
great job
good luck in the contest
seej
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