its been almost 7 years since we left you
almost 7 years since you last put your hands on me
almost 7 years since i was pinned to the ground
almost 7 years since you wrapped your hands around my neck
almost 7 years since you tried to kill me
seven years ago it was 16 years filled with yelling
16 years filled with hitting and 'lessons'
16 years filled with swearing
16 years filled with tears and "i'm sorrys"
16 years filled with fear
seven plus sixteen is 23, a lifetime, MY lifetime
23 years of hateing you
23 years of remembering the things you did
23 years of thinking thats the way it was
23 years of bad memories
so far my life belongs to you, my childhood was yours
most of my teen years you stole
you planted seeds that sprouted after we left you
i went and found men that abused me worse than you
because you taught me that it was the way things were
i know thats not true, i know you're not right
i know i'm "supposed to" forgive you
i know you think i have already
i thought i knew that i had
now i know that i haven't
sometimes it still hurts me badly
so badly i want to curl up into a ball
so badly that sometimes i want you to die
so badly that sometimes i want to die
so badly that i have to let it out
write it out
cry it out
scream it out
punch it out
bleed it out
i want to make YOU hurt, the way you hurt ME
i want to beat YOU down, and tell YOU not to cry
i want to make YOU suffer, and make YOU have to make up stories
i want to pin YOU down, and choke YOU till you pass out
i want to try to kill YOU, in body and spirit
just once i want to know what it feels like to hurt you
i want to know the satisfaction of hearing that belt whip YOUR bare ass
i want to punch you, and scratch you, and cut you with a blade
i want to see you cowering on the floor infront of me
just once dad, i want to make you feel like me
Author notes
yes its true.
how is it?
Comments
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A very emotionally charged powerful piece, thanks for this great entry. Hugs, Bunny
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Due to the content of this poem, I can't leave any sort of critical comment like the comment box asks me too. That would defeat the purpose, emotions are expressed, not criticized. Therefore, you get no "real" critique other than this:
I found this to be powerful and very moving, both emotionally and physically (for me anyway). And after reading this, I find that the title is absolutely perfect for the poem and evocative.
Dearheart, I'm fairly sure I never told you this, but you are one of my heroes, really.
In an off beat sense you make me realize that I shouldn't angst about my own life, that I should be happy that I've lived as sheltered as I have. Albeit, it wasn't a very good shelter, but it was a shelter nonetheless.
In the remaining senses it's because, despite everything you've been though, you are strong and vibrant, beautiful and inspiring. For the life of me, I know that I would never have come though such abominations and still manage to look back without diving off the deep, deep end.
You need to smile and know that this is the past. Think about it, learn from it, and grow stronger from it.
+ three applause peoples because you deserve it.
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damn sweet heart...... full of beautiful wording and rage
this was written with pure talent and i loved it ....
i am so sorry tha this had to happen to someone who is obviously so very talented .... you expressed it wonderfully .......
great job!!!!
Thank you so much for entering this creative work of art into my Contest!!!!!!!
much love and respects!!!
XxLisaJazminexX
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