A rough and rather raw draft scribbled yesterday after reading Cannonsfire's poem ". . . Mr President", please bear with the errors it may possess.
In the confused North American night
lovers confess past digressions
and weep upon memory scented pillows
and native souls gaze up to the sky
and watch a procession of ghostly spirit faces,
sad, but still smiling
behind eyes of natural wisdom.
In the confused North American night
a hurricane is gathering strength
and it will not assault New Orleans
or the suburbs of Florida's shoreline,
but rather rage like a mad hornet
in the hearts and minds
of the general populace
in hopes that it will shake
a berry of compassion from the withered tree
of non understanding.
In the confused North American night
a poet rests on a weather beaten
log outside his cabin,
dreams of better days,
dreams of a more benevolent season
devoid of political barbarians,
dreams that his grandchildren will breathe
in pure untainted air and feel alive and free
and in natural harmony with pristine rivers,
moss scented mountains
and the laughter of fawns
fearless in a glen of butterflies
and chipmunks.
And in the confused North American night
a Buddhist monk sits on a prayer mat,
hands in mudra gesture,
eyes closed, mind open
and chants the Diamond Sutra
and prays that the sound of his earnest voice
will penetrate the hearts
of the millions,
even if only slightly.
A contest entry
- Prewrites by Myjoy.
1000 points, ended November 16, 2007, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Talk Politics by xXblackenedXroseXx.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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You may consider this a scribbled raw draft, but I think it's absolutely amazing.
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IIIduuunnnnnoooo Man, I like the flow and it only has one misspelled word, I understand the message and can almost feel your dream.
However, it seems to contradict itself in a hidden sort of manner that I just cant seem to place.
The only things I can't really grasp is that Fawn's don't laugh, and I have lived and traveled this America of mine for 45 years and have yet to see a Buddhist Monk, I don't think they represent any kind of Utopian Dream of any substantial number of My Fellow Americans.
I'm just saying that I don't get that part.
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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good. Yes very good. I liked this poem a lot, had to read it twice. Good luck and thank you for sharing. Very lovely.
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Eloquent and emotive,a complete contrast in worlds yet one world,hopefully your penmanship will add light to the darkness and through the power of the pen a difference made,
with peace and positivity,
Yvette
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Sorry, see I commented on this one before - some great comments given regarding this poem.
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Interesting contradictions...
The ‘heaviness’ of your poem alludes to a backdrop of confusion that isn’t confirmed by the honest confessions (stanza 1), anticipated revival (stanza 2), personal hope (stanza 3) and faith (stanza 4) expressed. The contradiction between negative confusion and positive human aspects is an interesting device … a confusing one (smile). Great job and warm regards, Sultan.
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Once again a lovely poem. Congrats on the new book by the way, quite an exciting affair.
Lovely imagery, as always
Thanks for sharing more with me.
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in north america?
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WOW! Wow is all I can say. This wasd amazing. I wish you could really send this to the President and like the mayor of New Orleans and all those important people. Somebody needs to listen or what's going to happen? Why don't we do something instead of saying it? Awesome job and best wishes!
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Marc, you indeed may be the only one to capture the echo of why I weep so poignantly and turn it into a fist that beats against a heart, hoping more will hear or see the light.
s to you for this, it is truly beautiful. Love, C
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I like this piece
has a certain flavoured enchantment about it
keep writing
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i would love to say it's beautiful and leave it at that, but it is so much more. i couldn't decide if it was hopeful or not. it seems that things will never be better, but yet so many keep trying for change. i guess that is hope, or at least the beginnings of hope. i guess that's possibility.
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Wow, very well written. The vision of thought is well described. I loved this and everything about it. The silent fury for the cunfusion of the world. Very well written indeed. I would love to see it when it is edited.
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it's beautiful.
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lovers confess past digressions
and weep upon memory scented pillows
I love when one is able to use simple words to convey wide, relatable ideas.
This whole poem is wide open for communal understanding and empathy, which I like. And the last line is a kicker, which I love.
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So many have no time to listen to prayers or voices that do not speak of power, greed or money. Liked the sentiments expressed in these lines; think you hit the nail on the head here.
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very well done, a poet in prayer, a voice seeking to find an echo and return, your words bless us all...PK
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Yes.
Wouldn't that be perfect? This is so heartfelt, and earth-soul-moving. Thank you.
Nice to see you back.
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