Sweet air flows by, caressing me with warm,
lingering fingertips soothing my body, soothing my soul,
tickling blades of grass as it floats along on its aimless journey.
Lying on my back I absorb the wonders around me
whipped cream clouds move about the sky
posing as pirate ships or lovers kissing
little dancing cupids twirl around the sky in a care free rhythm.
Listen, hear the water from a near by stream
peacefully sweeping along, crystal clear,
massaging my ears as I listen
to its smooth, enchanting melody
pouring life into all that surrounds me.
A tree sways in the distance normally weeping,
droopy leaves grazing the ground,
but now as if transformed it waves peacefully,
ever so gracefully back and forth to all in this calm, serene environment.
Deer frolic freely, cows graze calmly,
a little white kitten places paws on my chest and
nuzzles my face as it purrs with ultimate delight.
I rub its back as we lie there in calming comfort
the sun begins its decent as the moon rises.
The sky a relaxing array of activity
as blues’ begin to change
melding into one then gradually fading to black
as the time of night descends.
A contest entry
- revelations under tender light by unraveled.
800 points, ended November 11, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Lovely wording and images in this! Such a soft, peaceful feel - just lovely.
I enjoyed this. Well done!
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I agree with exalted on the stanzas and changing some of the cliches. Improvement can be made, however, this poem has a great many very strong points. You create your own cliches within this, and when speaking of pure emotional value, this poem is a masterpiece. It captures the feelings that this scene inspired in you perfectly, and I don't know why more people haven't, like you, found the comfort in nature and its beauty. I have always found nature to be a source of comfort, no matter what my troubles, and I am glad that you seem to have an understanding of that. I believe this does nature's wonders justice, and you are very observant I might add. This is a lovely piece, start to finish. Well done.
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nice... use of language is good, however i would suggest using stanzas to break this apart and seperate your ideas. the imagery is successful in describing your bliss... although it can be cliche in places like "deer frolic freely" etc. there are great lines as well like "its smooth, enchanting melody pouring life into all that surrounds me". there's room to improve here but still a well done piece. thanks for entering,
cassidy
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This was a beautiful interlude..delightful afternoons pleasure of becoming as one with mother nature. Bravo
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