the skies, a dark and morbid purple shade
a rumble deep in the clouds, they make their way
still, with the parade, I am seated, unafraid
my tears, like the rain, are unpredictable and grey
but the wind, a thief, decides to steal them away
A crack, similar to a whip, voltage disrupts my window
Calm as silence, I follow complaisantly, but I can already tell
the delicate glass shattered, truly humbled to this show
a crimson color, oblivious to me, devours it like a cell
the storm intensifies, growls, demanding a chance
to surrender, to allow him this dreadful plight
rain sets in, whilst white clouds quiver and dance
these tears, escape me even as I hold them in, with all my might
Author notes
please don't ask me to explain. it's quite hard really. lol. Just try to use your imagination...
A contest entry
- Write Me Into The Dumps Of Your Life by Nostalgia.
475 points, ended October 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended January 14, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Can you feel the emotions?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
Yes. I can feel the emotions.
The mixture of the writers tears and the emotional release of the storm outside, is a very vivid picture. I could actually see the tears being washed away. Nature can do this. I am often overcome by the sheer majesty of our wild planet, even here in crowded Britain. Perhaps we need to be reminded of how small we and our emotions really are. The only human emotion that can resist this smallness is love. Perhaps love and the planet are perfectly entwined. You have written a beautiful poem, one I shall come back to again and again. Thanks.
NB. On a different note what does it mean when I am awarded points for my applause? I thought that when I gave a poem the maximum praise it was because I wanted to convey to the poet how much I had enjoyed their work. I'm afraid I am relatively new to this site and I don't know what is meant by, 'return the favour'. Can you help?
-
-
wow, such an enchanting comment on your behalf. Alas, I'm too tired at the moment to answer you with as much beauty.
I'm not quite sure about applauses myself. But I do know the person who receives them gets points that the person spending used on them.(if I'm making any sense...) Either way, I rate the comment you send me and you get points in return as well.
so it's a win-win situation. =)
thank you once again for the tremendous honor you've given me. Such a lovely comment. -bows-
-
-
like the scent of clove in a coffee shop, this piece invites the reader in, and even though it may at first seem cloudy, when a deep breath is taken in the flavor of the piece takes the reader beyond the moment and to the time of the writer's voice.
WSD
-
this poem is beautfully written and has a nice gentle flow...ur rhyme scheme is good as well..this poem is emotional and deep...beautifull imagery and its apowerful write!!! keep it up!! much much love!!!
-
The words are simple but create an abstract and complex deeper message here. Below the surface of what one reads much can be felt in the way of emotions share in written form. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
-
Don't worry no need to explain. This is a powerful poem with great rhyme and rhythm. I loved it.
Good luck on the contest.
Hugz
Himler
-
Graphic, emotional, and deep. I loved most of it...Which is saying a lot. I won't comment on grammar...Which in this case is passible. Thanks for entering.
-
-
I wasn't focusing much on the grammar.
I was just trying to get a point across.
you know what I mean. =)
anyways, thank you for your kind words.
[bows]
-
-
Intense and graphic. Great imagery!
Calm as silence, I follow complaisantly, but I can already tell
The above line should have the word: Complacently instead of "complaisantly".
Keep penning dear! Great job. ;P -Inc."
-
-
thank you.
ah, but there's two ways of writing it actually.
according to the free dictionary:
'Exhibiting a desire or willingness to please; cheerfully obliging.
[French, from Old French, present participle of complaire, to please, from Latin complacre; see complacent.]
com·plaisant·ly adv.'
=) and since I speak French, it usually ends up being that one. lol
thank you for the compliment. [bows]
-
-
Brilliant!!
I enjoyed this one, you have expressed great sadness and mixed the feelings in with a brewing storm very well. An enjoyable read, the middle stance is my favorite!
Pink xx
-
-
poems get across best when you actually feel that way when writing it. lol. which is usually the case with me....[and most people I presume..] and thank you once more for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it.
<3
-
-
Intense
In your write the storm is alive and real, as tho I, too,am there watching it, feeling it, because you write of two different storms one within and one without. I enjoyed particularly how you used color to help set the mood. It was very effective.
Thank you for comments left on my poem, also.
-
-
thank you.
this actually took a lot out of me.
after writing this piece, I felt like a weight was lifted and yet, too drained to write anything else afterwards. lol. it's hard to write pieces with so much emotion. it takes a lot out of you.
but I'm really happy you liked it and thank you for commenting. I sincerely appreciate it. =)
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
