In my heart my hope dangles
and I cannot bring myself to stand
Losing my concentration at home
While thinking of a man
He is waging war in a distant land
And I am finding it hard to sleep
His picture is on my mirror
And my heart is his to keep
I wonder what his nights are like
and if his days are ever pleasant
I miss him so much when I think of him
being absent from my presence
I could not be prouder
of my man fighting for a cause
In allegiance to our freedom
In allegiance to God
In uniform he salutes his commander
With honor and pride he does wage war
I am prepared for war on the home front
As is he in the foreign shore
Kisses to the brave soldiers
and hugs to the families waiting
We wait patiently for them to return
while the government is debating
I remember him in my arms
and the look upon his face
We are all prepared for war
and are all soldiers in this mighty race
A contest entry
- MILITARY----PIC AND VIDEO LINKS PIC & VID INSPIRED SOME PRE-WRITES! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
600 points, ended October 16, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What'dya Think?
Comments
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This is pretty good Shorty.
I like your political comment "while the government is debating" and how it blends in with the emotional stuff and could almost be overlooked - sometimes politics feels like that.
I like that she starts off so weak at the beginning, "and I cannot bring myself to stand" and as the piece goes on, and she has had time to reflect, she gets stronger and stronger with him in her mind and at the end she is a soldier too "and are all soldiers in this mighty race". As if just the thought of him and the pride she feels are enough to steel her against the hopelessness.
Just a couple of comments:
You lose the rhyme in stanza 4.
Pleasant/present is not so strong a rhyme, and I wasnt sure if "pleasant" was a strong enough word anyway. I guess war is pretty vile, and maybe this section could be made to reflect that more?
I like it - a lot.
LB
x
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This is an inspiring write. It shows me that we are all soldiers in some sort of way. It also expresses feelings for the soldiers in the Gulf and other regions fighting this seemingly never ending war. I reall enjoyed this .
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Very Nice
A prayer for sure.
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This is a lovely write. Which prompt did you use though? I might have missed it but I don't see it. Please let me know. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck!
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