You look upon the face of your friend
Watching him smile and laugh
As you talk and joke
All seems fine
Great as can be
Though from behind you
A scream is heard
So you’re curious and turn around
There you see
A man with his arm pointed straight
Not at you, but your friend
You’re stuck, can’t move, frozen
Fear encasing your heart
Down the barrel of a gun you look
To the deep darkened depths
Of the chamber loaded caliber
You step completely in front of your friend
Knowing that the intended shot
Was not made for you
But your sense of protection
Is all you can think about
The man tells you to walk away
But you know in your heart you can’t
Screams and shouts fill your head
It’s all that you hear
Nothing else can penetrate your fear
Frozen to the spot you stand
Nothing can move you
Author notes
*Tears-of-an-Angel*
I was looking at a picture and thought about this and then decided to write it out in poem form. While looking at the picture I thought about what would I do in this situation. So what would you do???
A contest entry
- Prewrites! by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 19, 2008, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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not to bad of a write here a certainly like the idea behind it although its a lot of telling and not enough showing. Take this line for an example "To the deep darkened depths" depths are already known to be dark so there isn't a need to say it... Try using some stronger nouns and verbs to strenghen this piece... let me know if you work on this because I love the idea behind it very much!
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Wow to read this is actually a bit freaky. What made you think of it? One of your wacky dreams again??? lol.Anyways I like it. Keep up the good writes.
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AWESOME!!!
that was beautifully written and i hope that you continue with such greatness! i havent had time to read your works much but ima get right to it now!
see ya at 11AM today!
love always!
Yami Romich
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