I hate myself,
Inside and out
Just want to scream
Yell and shout
look in the mirror
Who is there?
An ugly fat bitch
Lost in despair
Eyes so empty,
Lost in the dark.
A broken smile,
laking its spark.
All messed up,
And torn apart.
I should have realised,
From the start.
Not meant to be happy,
Just left alone.
Not cared for or loved,
The complete unknown…
...Please Save Me...
Author notes
i dunno what to say... not great i no. i could do better, but im having a bit of trouble getting the right words lately...
what do you think??
NOTE: RECENTLY EDITED... (STANZA'S 2 & 3)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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holy shit you made me stop in the second stanza to catch my breath after i said out loud "wow" than my jaw dropped and im eating pudding so like the spoon was in my mouth as i was reading and i had to catch the spoon!! lmao!! not good? wat are u talking about if it made me drop my spoon its beyond good.. it has emotion.. i felt everyword... holy god lol
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great
been fat dont make ya ulgy i think the bigger the girl is the sexyer more to hold tight to ya lol.. any ways gr8 job once agin
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i like sound alot like me
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i love it huni
i feel sooo much like it now...how could he ever do that to me? i like the
I should have realised,
From the start.
and the first and last stanza best
love you
x0x0x0
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Life preserver toss!
I love this stanza:
Eyes so empty,
Lost in the dark.
A broken smile,
laking its spark.
The irony of it stands out, in that the spark of your smile would actually dispell the dark just as quickly as a smile lights up your eyes. You're very profound.
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Awww. Bbydoll...I'm sorry you feel that way.
It's simple, but good.
I like the feeling you put into it.
Miss you tons!!! How have you been????
<3BD9
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"From he start"
^Did you mean "the?"
It's simple, but okay. It's hard to get all your personal feelings in the best words sometimes. Flows alright. Kind of cliché. There are just loads of things exactly like this on the site, which is the problem. It's hard for poets to take something like this and give it an original spin.
But sometimes it's just good to get it out! -
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thanks for your comment. i dont really like it because it doesnt seem to have much inderviduality about it. because most people on this site (as u said) that post poems like this...
i edited the second & third stanza but i still odnt like it too much.
thanks again though
take care
love HB
xoxoxoxo
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GLORIOUS
You have a good theme going on but it starts to fade when you make it about life. I understand how you feel about yourself. It was short yet a lot of words you use got the point across within the first 5 lines.
^^ here is an idea
All messed up
And torn apart
The scars are deep on my breaking heart
No more time to stare at this mirror
Just an sugesstion . great write hope the words start to fill your head again.
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I like this. Alot of emotional thought gone into this!
I love the way in which you've shown your true inner feelings! Good job!
BB88 xxxx -
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thanks HEAPS! i am very glad you liked it. i didnt much, lol. thanks alot fro the comment and applause
love HB
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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