Bright flowers express the decadence of spring -
As they dance, slowly colouring the breeze.
Though mortality’s bell will soon enough ring
They continue without a hint of unease.
Carefree and casual, arrogant till the time,
The sun bleaches shades from their cheeks.
Defiant to the end, they refuse to comply,
With summer’s call for at least a few weeks.
Alas, the weeks pass, alterations are made,
Flowers come fewer and further between.
As each day grows longer, each petal decays,
Now but a memory of what has just been.
A shame, though it is, that birds will not sing,
New wonders, this season, will certainly bring.
Author notes
My second nature based sonnet.
Any good?
I hope this fits
My first guess at the word...seed. I don't know why! It just is!
After reading the first clue, is the word scum?
A contest entry
- A contest for Sonnets on the change of seasons ONLY by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended October 27, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write quickie contest by Cerulean Sunrise.
475 points, ended January 18, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
Very nice ...
but the inversion in the last line is unfortunate, as this was going on swimmingly till then; although the lack of punctuation is a drawback. Still, it's a good job in the main. Congrats on the trophies. -
-
Yes, since I've come to know you better I've seen that as one of your pet hates as it were.
-
-
Was reading this to help Ishtar judge and, since I also write lots of sonnets, I noted the syllable counts for the lines. Sonnets, in iambic pentamenter, should have 10 syllables per line. The counts for this are
11-10-11-11
11-8-12-10
11-10-11-11
10-11
You might want to look at those to make it a true sonnet. Good thoughts and a wonderful sonnet subject.
Paul -
-
I only write very few sonnets and so I have not mastered any of the techniques so I would rather write one that flows, rather than one that fits a certain pattern and doesn't flow. My friend, Jim Dunlap, always says that's better too...
-
-
Thanks for your attempt at the riddle!
A well done poem with flawless form!
Thank you for entering.
-Reni -
Wow, you have done a wonderful job on this sonnet here. Incredible. Thanks for your entry and the best of luck
-
lovely
might wanna check syllables though. -
This is a lovely sonnet and I enjoyed reading it
Well done poet!
-
Sonnets have always scared me, and I must say this is a very good one! It really brought to light that sonnets are not meant just to scare school age children, tehy are meant to SAY something- great job!
Vivien
-
You have done a wonderful job with this Sonnet As far as I have feeling of meter and such, you did this one flawless actually.
I definately like the way it's nature related - those always bring forth beautiful imagery within the words.
Also the alliteration is a very nice touch of detail
Great job!
Thanks for entering this into the contest!
Leander -
-
Thank you for your comment x
-
-
great job! i love it! good luck =]
-
This is a beautiful sonnet! Loved it. Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
Leslie
-
I think you made an awesome sonnet. It is sort of sad that the flowers die off. My favourite part is "A shame, though it is, that birds will not sing," It is solemn and a beautiful line. Well anyways, congratualtions on the win. I also read ur authors page and I hope you had fun in Greece ^_^.
-
-
Haha thank you very much for your comment, I had a really good time in Greece thanks x take care, thanks again x
-
-
I'm really taken with this one ...
but the final couplet bothers me. It's not nearly as strong as the rest of the poem. In sonnets, the final couplet should be the strongest of all, so that's a bit disappointing. However, this is still a very good poem. -
-
Thank you for your comment and I will try to work something more punchier out
-
-
I definately love the subject matter you've been writing about here.
Natura is also kind of my pet peeve when it comes to writing, so you did definately good to enter this one
I'm not really the rhyme-kinda person, but your poem does very well with it. Only rhyme that looks a bit 'wobbly' though is made and decays in your third stanza
But apart from that, you did quite a good job!
Thank you for entering the contest;
Leander -
Bravo!
This is certainly an auspicious beginning to a long list of superior sonnets! Real sonnets that dance through the rules without stumbling and show the rest of us what a sonnet should be. Personifications giving flowers human emotions and motivations, as in
"Carefree and casual, arrogant till the time,
The sun bleaches shades from their cheeks.
Defiant to the end, they refuse to comply," provide the metaphor a good sonnet needs.
The "further-farther" conundrum is best solved with a dictionary. Oxford Dictionary explains it better. Usage: for simple distance either one can be used.
"Further" is more so. "Beyond or in addition to" as in "Phone for further information." It ends on a nice note of confidence. Scansion was a bit off but not enough to interfere.
We are primed for some great sonnets!
-
-
Thanks for your great comment x take care x
-
-
Your first sonnet??
Alas, the weeks pass, alterations are made,
Flowers come fewer and further between.
As each day grows longer, each petal decays,
Now but a memory of what has just been.
Again, I am without words at how your poetic gifts blossom from one line into the next. This sonnet provides such a vivid description of the ever-changing seasons. I love the personification throughout this piece. That's something I put into a lot of my own poetry. I really love to read about nature, George. Thank you for sharing this wonderful sonnet.
Don, your "AP uncle from across the pond." That is one BIG pond, you know!
-
-
Haha thanks very much for your comment, it means a lot. I am sorry I haven't been able to comment on your poems yet, I have been a little bogged down with work.
Haha no it isn't, and there are stepping stones anyway, each new poem you write takes you across another great stepping stone, until your stepping off into the distance past me!!
Thanks again x
-
-
Forgot the applause thing...
-
Aye aye aye! I feel so...crude whenever I read stuff like this. It's like Edgar Allen Poe vs. Dr. Suess. Your writing is absolutely beautiful, don't ever stop or else I (and most likely many more) will hunt you down and...call you names...until you write again! *evil laugh* so there! Good luck in the contest!
~Fear -
-
LMAO! Ok Ok I promise I will never stop!
Haha thanks for your great comments (and applause
-
-
Very nice ...
I'm glad you entered it here. In this line:
Alas, few weeks pass, alterations are made,
I would change few to the. Otherwise, I'd not change a thing. The poem works on its own merits in all respects.
Thanks for entering.
-
-
Yes, I agree, few doesn't work.
Thank you for your comment and applause x
-
-
simply amazing!
It flowed so well, and the picture so pleasent ( that paints in your mind you know? ) BUt i'm not sure how exactly a sonnet works, so keeping my mought shut! BUt as a poem in any form it's very beautiful , great job!
stephanie =]
-
-
Haha thanks
Basically a sonnet is a 14 line poem. They usually have a fixed rhyme scheme and a couplet at the end. During the course of the poem, the viewpoint (or something) will change. Shakespeare wrote a lot of romantic ones.
Thanks for your comment and applause x take care x
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
