"You're stunning" he said
as he looked in her eyes,
brushing her cheek with his hand.
"I don't hear that much"
was her reply
and she smiled and gave a shy glance.
He moved his hand
from her cheek
to her chin,
and lifted her face to his sight,
and told her that she
was the only one
his eyes cared to see that night.
Then with those words,
she told him her name,
and asked him if he was alone.
Just like that
he slid his hand down
and proceeded to turn off his phone
He gave a coy smile
"of course!" he said,
"besides, your really my type."
It was then she knew,
her prey was caught...
see, she saw HIM first that night.
Author notes
I wrote this poem for this contest in a notebook then put it on my page...then cut and pasted it to your contest. I've had my account with AP for a while but just recently began writing. So im not sure if that counts as a pre-write...
A contest entry
- Fractured Gullibility by Menace.
550 points, ended October 21, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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wonderful!you've got some very thoughtful word-combinations in here!congratulations on the award!you deserved it truly!well done indeed!keep up!
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thanks so much for the comment. In my opinion, women are often focused on as the prey, i think thats what makes them more easily the preditor!
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I was surprised to see who was the prey and who the predator at the end of this peice! Just when I was thinking what a jerk he must be from the implications of turning off his phone... boom, I realize perhaps the two deserve eachother after all.
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This works well with the picture prompt. Such a very detailed piece, a 'tale' if you will. Subtle, yet deep. Best wishes in the contest!!!
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Hmm...
I won't count it against you since I have done the same thing. You went off the road with your perception, but I like it. By the second stansa, I knew exactly where you were headed with this. Good to know you're a predater. haha. Good Luck and Thanx for entering!
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This is amazing! Your words are so impeccably chosen and placed just right bringing an array of alluring images to the mind. Best of luck to you in the contest dear poet and keep that quill handy.
♥ Touchof1der
PS:
In the first line of the first stanza and the third line of the last stanza, you have 'your' where it should read, "you're".
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Thank you for the comment. I fixed that error.
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Discrediting the naivety most place on our women
will be an arduous task, Dear Poet.
Though, you'll be able to convince a few with this piece.
"he slid his hand down"
automatically puts him in a certain place in the reader's mind.
~
"her prey was caught"
automatically proves your point.
Well done.
~May the ink in your pen flow freely~
Chaos
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