I think you’ve lost
the way to heaven –
I always see you on the ground
looking deeper
and scattering the chickadees
like small dry seeds
on the wind.
But the parable
of the grain
means nothing to you
when your mouth opens
so much wider
than your wings.
Like Narcissus,
you know how you look
in the eyes of others,
sleek and bright, aerodynamic;
you use their
aesthetic forgiveness
after you’ve bullied the robins
into thinking you’re God.
When you don’t know
the color of heaven,
blues that bold
should be a sin.
And who’s to say
they’re not?
Author notes
There are two things this is about: blue jays and a man I know named Jay.
Not everyone realizes that blue jays, though they're pretty, are the biggest bullies of the avian world.
This is still new, so I would appreciate any honest critiques you would like to offer up.
Thanks!
A contest entry
- Wildlife In Its Natural Habitat by misticmoonlite.
475 points, ended October 14, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blank Cheque by sca.
777 points, ended November 1, 2007, 48 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teach Me Something by Midnight-Engaged.
450 points, ended November 1, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is still a baby - please help me teach it to walk.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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very well done, i like the use of words Might be confusing for some, i think you have to read it 2 or more times, also i was kinda confused about the ending from the end, oor its only because it's really early in the morning.
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very nice
I know that blue jays are mean. They use to dive bomb us in our back yard. I also think that its funny how the male blue jay is so colorful and the female is so plain. for us it seems the other way around. I liked your write and there is much wisdom contained in it. Keep em comming, The Shaker
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Good play with words and images
I know how brazen blue jays are-they chase cats, etc. The other poems must have really been something in the contest.
Tecohe -
The Blue Jay bullies the blue birds on our little farm . So many trees yet he has to have the one they have..wonderful write
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Nice! I don't entirely understand what I'm supposed to be learning from this...could you IM me and let me know? Thanks!
P.S. I love the ending!!!
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wow! Wow! Wow!
I absolutely love:
"When you don’t know
the color of heaven,
blues that bold
should be a sin."
Actually, I love the whole thing! Wonderful use of metaphor here...Unique and insightful, poems like this one are the reason I joined allpoetry in the first place. Best of luck in the contest. Even though I'm competing against you, I think you deserve to win.
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I'm glad you enjoyed it. I rather enjoyed writing this one.
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I love this!! The allusion to the story of the grain, the story of Narcissus, and the image of the bully blue jay. Very clever! Thank you for sharing this!
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Wow. This is a pretty cool poem that you have written here. I like it. I really liked your use of the word chickadees. I don't think I've seen anyone use that word in a poem before. That's cool. And no I didn't know that blue jays were such bullies. I'm really surprised because they are such pretty birds. I guess you never know a guy by the color of his feathers. It was a good analogy for the guy Jay you know. You did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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Yes, bluejays are the pretty-boy bullies of the bird world lol. Glad you liked it!
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This is so true about the Jays, dominant over quite a few species of avians, but there again are a few that whoop the bluejays,nice piece to this contest, thank you and good luck...MM
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sleek and bright and aerodynamic,
and you use their
to many ands there hon.
sleek, bright and aerodynamic
you use...maybe?
Less is more. Remember to watch for the filler words. Overall this is another great piece by you.
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You're right, there are a lot of ands...I think I'll take one out!
Thanks!
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