You said you loved me.
You said you cared.
You said I was the one.
I said you were my man.
When we were together,
everything seemed alright.
Then the day you came to me,
in the middle of the night.
To tell me that you were leaving,
leaving me behind.
I begged you to stay with me,
just for one more night.
You smiled and shook your head.
And you told me to drop dead.
I cried and rolled onto the floor.
You told me this love,
will end,
forever more.
I whispered,
more to me,
myself.
Saying 'was it all a lie?'.
You turned with a silent smile,
and whispered,
right into my ear,
'Oh yes my dear, I think I've made that very clear.'
A contest entry
- Fractured Gullibility by Menace.
550 points, ended October 21, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you feel whe you read this poem
Comments
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You have amazing words. Truly remarkable.. I am liking your poetry very very much. Keep up the good work. Your words brought back buried emotions I tried to rid of. amazing amazing!
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Okay, here's my thoughts. It is a little distracting that you have a comma at the end of every line. It is not needed that much and breaks the poem up too much. The last stansa was a great little twist. Very creative. Maybe edit your format a litle and you have a great piece. I wouldn't change the wording any. Good Luck and thanx for entering.
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Your vocabulary selection is simple yet when woven together as you have them here they are anything but simple. Best wishes to you in the contestand keep that pen handy dear poet.
♥ Touchof1er
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