You are a colossal wreck
What else would you be?
Can’t you see, dreams that you have built
to invent yourself, to make a difference
leave your mark in this world
it’s all so much bullshit!
Have you ever done anything meaningful?
Perhaps what is fearful
what scared you always
is what is happening.
Against your vow of yesterday
you’re back here.
How beautiful is it here?
I think sadly
this is the end
of a promise to change.
You have come to a stop
but a step or two to meeting me.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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There is a lot of power and bravado in your voice, I like that of this piece. There are some points that create unessesary ambigiuty or better said an awkward phrase or two. "Perhaps what is fearful" Either requires something before it to preface it, a question of fear or something to transition, or a comma at the end of it, as it stands its very unclear your intention, and the transition from the former line to that one is a difficult one. I also enjoyed the usage of syntax inversion, I thought it played well when used. My final comment pertains to the last line, it seems to be incomplete, or perhaps I'm misunderstanding it. Good job, wonderful piece.
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