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Believed Loved Then Lost



She believed -

You know you're so pretty,

you are so very easy to love.

What others say doesn't matter,

you're a blessing from above.

She believed.

She loved -

Promises that he made,

underneath twilight skies.

"I'll be here with you forever,

I couldn't bare you leaving my side.

She loved.

She lost -

I can't be with you anymore,

it's far too hard to deal with.

It's not you it's simply me,

I'm just not quite ready for love.

She lost.

Author notes

Repitition ~

For these reasons I repeated the lines:
1. Because the words being repeated (1st and 6th lines) echoed the topic of the lines between them.
2. The repitition expresses how important the words are to what is being said.
3. The repitition makes the write flow well, makes the understanding clear.


Other writes:
Things We Said Today
Life

x Empathic Rose x

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Do I look good
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Its nice. I really injoy your writing. I really like the structure of the poem and the way you gave the point out it really gave it out smoothly

  • BuffSMGfan3
    July 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good job great write u will be considered. very sad.


  • ThatONEweirdChick
    December 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the refrain in this. I don't know why you had to explain it, as I see it self-explanitory, but heh, okay. Anyway great write, it's so true for so many people. Great entry, thanks for adding this to my contest.


  • Beating gold member
    December 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The repetition, and the way you did it, is really good and smart. It made me read it a few times too, and I like how it strengthens the piece. This piece is very good, and I like that the three different "topics" aren't all that alike. Great job!


  • Tangled Angle
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    For you, this is okay...
    I like the repetition, but I know you are capable of doing better.
    I want you to try this again.
    Try to write a long poem.
    Carry out a metaphor and have a theme [or 2 or whatever]
    and repeat a metaphorical line that is key to the meaning.
    And I think if you do that, you will have a powerful poem with effective repetition.

    Best of luck with it.

  • tigress3737
    November 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the repetition and thought it was important in the structure and story of this poem. Good work and thanks for entering


  • black-angelwings-
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm loving the repetition. Really shows what the poem is about. The poem's short but [bitter]sweet.
    Really enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.


  • Emotionless-brat
    October 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great poem babe,

    luvz *gina*


  • xXRawerxX
    October 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    truely love this piece...deep and full of emotion. Keep up the good work. <3


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was a strong and emotional write and the repetitive lines really work well
    i loved it well done sis keep penning

1 - 10 of 10