This Mask is a Task--But I'll Wear it!

How easy it was to find this Mask
when my fragile life was threatened
  by the stark and harsh reality of life
  when faced with possible ridicule
    and after a while, desiring to be accepted
    and to fit in with others
      who seemed less flawed than myself.

Despite my initimate knowledge
of who I actually was and of
  my own imperfections and weaknesses
  I really didn't want to be encumbered
    with this silly mask I was compelled to don.

But my awkwardness and nagging suspicions
of the dubious motives of others
  made wearing this facial-life-facade
  a choice of what seemed, a lesser of two evils.

As I know myself, in fact, not fiction
I'm not such a hideous human being--
  but I, as a sensitive soul and creature
  find Disguise a smoother path than Disclosure
    and feeling Safe more desired than being Vulnerable
    for the sake and interest of honesty and truth.

I am well aware of my chosen mask being but a shell
this unlife-like portrait I have so brushed on
  and I have also discovered much to my dismay
  that the lonmger I keep it on
    promoting the me that never did so exist
    the more hollow and shell-like I feel inside
      as my real life force is dwarfed by suppression
      and unwarmed and nurtured by the true light of day.

And yet that abhorant and awful thought comes
as one entrenched in my present loathsome path
  what if I should cast away the mask
  displaying the true reality of my being
    only to find that others preferred me
    with my mask intact, as more interesting and becoming?
      How could I so face them again
      disclosed and exposed, and without any refuge
        from guarenteed failure and rejection
        because I had conditioned them to accept the lie
          spurred on by my own vanity and self-pitying cowardice
          so that they were not able to appreciate and accept the Real Me?

Each of us, I would imagine, not venturing out far enough to know for sure
is left to choose to Hide or Confide, to Expose or Expell
  the real life and being that we truly possess
  but, too often we find it true
    that if given a chance to embrace our full humanity
    and all that makes up being flesh and blood
      it is too easy for us to by concious choice or default
      to say to self, I think I'll go with the plastic!

And thus I've come full circle to say once again
this mask is a task, but I'll wear it!