Fear trapped inside your body,
bleeding pain into your mind.
Hell shows you no remorse,
and damnation is never kind.
Boiling pits forever eternal,
hissing and crackling fires.
Twisting, are the demons,
bound in steel barbed wire.
The inside of your mind's a mess,
too much for you to try and deal.
The mere thought of sorting it,
has become extremely unreal.
You try so hard to resist,
temptation gets in your way.
A while since you had a drink,
exactly five years and one day.
The demons need re~chaining,
so tight they cannot move.
The boiling pit needs tarmacking,
so the way forward is smooth.
Never has it been so strong,
the craving and the thirst.
Waterfalls are needed,
as fires are the worst.
Every minute is an hour,
every hour stretches a day.
But you know you'll survive,
with your mind in disarray.
Author notes
#3 - Making the choice to beat the addiction
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week (POW) by Arkbear.
750 points, ended October 15, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any length prewrties excepted...Topic Addiction (Drugs, Liquor, etc.) by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended January 21, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 171st Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Congrats on both the honorable mentions. This was very well written and emotional. I could actually almost feel the despair you were expressing and the choice to leave it all behind. Fantastic thank you for entering.
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How deeply true your words are...a battle that is fought for all of ones life...yet you have won, just hold on to that...as I tell my son, we live on second at a time and hope for the best.
Nicely done.
Best to you!
mystic -
Congrats on your HM.I can really relate to this Pink. You wrote this from the depths of your soul. And it is a battle where "every minute is an hour and every hour stretches into a day."
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Excellent
Very well done . A poem that truly touches to the core on the sujbect of addiction. Congratulations on your honorable mention
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The talent in this POW just keeps on coming.
While I don't have the first-hand knowleged of alcoholism from a drinkers perspective, I have lived with an alcoholic and seen the destruction it leaves behind...
From a techinical stand point this is good, with just a few areas that could use some tightening up. "Boiling pit" is used twice...a no-no most of the time in my view. I also think evening out the meter a bit would make this flow perfectly, as it is very close already. You have wonderful imagery mixed with a strong theme and good presentation.
For future reference, we ask that you not make any changes in your poem once judging has started, until both Bear and I have commented and scored your entry. So...some of my score will reflect his notes.
Thank you for a wonderful entry in the POW. I look forward to hopefully seeing you again!
Best wishes and good luck,
~J. -
What can I say..this is outstanding
it is personal, raw, real and honest
I love your metaphors and overall this
is just remarkable!
Love it!
~Pastel
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Excellent entry ~
*minds a mess*....*mind's*
*to much for you to*...*too much*
Ok......I am going to try REALLY hard to Judge this fairly ~
I am a recovering Addict and Alcoholic of 4 years, two months now.....so as you can gather, this entry has hit home on all notes for me ~
Title....a bit cliche'....even thought it does allow the new Reader to get a clue as to what you are writing about before they set eyes on your poem ~
However.....a great Metaphorical Title would have hit home better for me.....as you obviously have the talent to think of something besides just *addict* ~
I found this Theme to be strong in every aspect of penning ~
You seem to know first hand what the poison, alcohol, can do to a persons life, their mind, their families, loved ones, their own soul ~
I liked the backdrop for this....blurry as a drunkard ~
I applaud you and your Quill for bringing this to the POW for others to read.....especially me ~
I am never a fan of center alignment, uness it is Poetry Formed....however, it is not bad, and does not distract from the Flow too much.....but still not a fan ~
Each stanza had soooo much power, and imagery.......I guess it may affect me more than some, who have not been affected by this raging Disease called Alcoholism ~
There was no real *Ahhaa* moment to conclude this write, as I wish there had been.....but then again.....there is no end to alcoholism......it keeps going.....and going.....and going....and going......with no end in sight.....no cure......just a desire to stop!
I will say this.....thank you for spilling some powerful Ink ~
Remember only ( 1 ) POW per month unfortunately ~
I would give anything to have your talents every single week ~
Let's see how this entry scored!
Good luck Poet, and thank you,
Bear ~
Title 9.2
Flow 9.7
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 9.9
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.75
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 98.05
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The imagery in this is very wonderful and I really enjoyed this one. Very emotional, and you describe with detail how hard the cravings can be to fight. I delighted in this, and wish you well in the contest~blessings always~
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Stunning!
This piece is brilliant! it show so much emotion about the addiction! I love it!!!
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amazing
"Hell shows you no remorse,
and damnation is never kind."
Those are my two favourite lines.
This was beautifully penned about a tragic topic.
I loved it, the flow and the rhythm and everything.
- Jojo
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very powerful piece... filled with emotion and detailed in description.
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