Deliver me not
into the dulling arms
of fevered night,
where supposed evil lurks,
waiting.
I am already there,
staring straight back;
twisted lips grinning,
awaiting to celebrate
demise.
What is purity?
The light or tranquility?
Rather the blood splashing
rhythmically on the pavement,
screaming.
No clouded thoughts,
neither of vengeance
nor deserved retribution
to cloud the intensity,
glaring.
The blade strikes swiftly,
deftly separating you
from your spinal column,
before the thought flashes:
Redemption.
A perfect trophy
of my own making,
just one little keepsake
my only pride, the taking
souls.
Condemn me not,
for do not the God’s kill?
Without reason or compunction,
are we not their children following
examples?
Author notes
Option 3) i'm in line for the murder. first come fist served
I'm really not sure I like this one or not. Oh well, we take the good with the bad, I suppose.
In a list
A contest entry
- adjusting to darkness... by mcw120588.
1200 points, ended October 22, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1500 points, ended March 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very deprived, but also in a clever way that doesn't make it too vulgar, just haunting. I like this, I am definately avoiding making you anger anytime soon!
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Thank you very much. I think (from memory) I was trying to avoid having any graphic or gore references in this piece if possible, I wanted it all to be more mental.
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Very evil and also very sad. I think you could explore more here and delve deep into what it is to be this person.
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Thank you. Yeah, it is a bit short and sweet and could be filled out more fully, either as another, longer piece, or as a story, though that would be daunting in itself as it is a very long time since I wrote a short story.
I'll need to get my mind working again.
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Delicious. That's all I can say about this. Your penchant for the macabre almost makes me ashamed of my vain attempts.
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Thank you very much. Ijust don't do it enough.
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well this is truly an interesting piece with a powerful form that really captured the reader. also your question of whether god kills well thats just rhetoricla yet totally important and extremely powerful. its a thought few eveyr really think about or try to grapple with. thanks for raising it and for presenting this piece. it really was fun to read and presented some very interesting themes/images/emotions. i thoroughly enjoyed reading it
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The question of the Gods killing and the use of that as a justification is the words in this piece that came first, and the rest was worked from there to get to that point. I find that happening a lot more nowadays, a stanza somewhere in the centre or at the end of a piece will come to me first and I have to then work the rest of it from that thought.
Thank you very much.
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Woah- this was intense! You have such vivid imagery, bringing the piece closer to reality. I could see all of this happening!
I like the way you wrote this through the killer's eyes. && the ending was awsome. It was a personal justification of the killer for what he had done, and in a way, I felt sympathy for him.
This was definitely a powerful piece. It made me wince, especially in the fourth stanza. Dark and disturbing. And yet, there was so much depth and many layers to this piece.
Great job! Loved reading this piece
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Thank you. I wanted to make the ending and justification as uncomfortable as possible and try and avoid what would normally strike people as a reason to kill. A reason that would make the reader question.
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WOW, powerful, I really enjoyed this. "The blade strikes swiftly Deftly separating you From your spinal column Before the thought flashes Redemption" This was amazing, I love the depth you portray in your writing, good luck in the contest!!!!
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Thank you. This was another slightly different piece, a flight of fancy.
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Oh, well it was great! Either way, it turned out really good, and good luck in that contest! Hope u win gold!
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You're not sure you like this? Well, you should because it is amazing. The meaning in this can really make one think, and it made me think. Very good use of vocabulary, you really create brilliant writes with your words. I liked these lines most
"No clouded thoughts
Neither of vengeance
Nor deserved retribution
To cloud the intensity
Glaring"
You provided excellent imagery as well! Great write! -
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Thank you very much. I'm not sure what it was, the first few times I read it through after I had posted it, it just didn't sit right. I think it's most likely because some of the lines went in a different direction when I was actually writing it from what I had in my head before I wrote it.
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