At first were the balmy days
I drank the sunshine of your smile
We generated electric storms.
Yesterday was hot
Anger spilled like lava
Down the volcano of your spite.
Now I am impaled
By your iceberg eyes
Buried in an avalance of frozn tears.
Clouds of uncertainty
Obscure our destined path
No global warming seems forecast.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week (POW) by Arkbear.
750 points, ended October 15, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Green to Gold! by BabyBun.
500 points, ended March 14, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Really good write - nicely done
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I absolutely love this.
You took a metaphor and carried it wonderfully throughout the poem. I too would have loved for this to be longer, but at the same time I'd hate for you to lose the power this has by adding tooooo much. It's a fine line to walk, and I think you balanced it very well. Your biggest deduction in my score will come from not having "POW" and your theme in the author notes - a full 2 point deduction when I score. 
However, I think the strength of the write itself will make up for some of that. This is easy for me to relate to and will carry a wonderful lasting impression. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J. -
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My fault for being in too much of a hurry. I am nevertheless delighted with the honourable mention and your lovely comments, which are much appreciated.
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Hi Poet!
Let us start with Rules :)
You did not place the *POW*, or your *Theme* in your Authors' Notes as required by Rules ~
Next...I think this is a very interesting entry ~
Loved your Theme!
Your Title is superb and fits your thoughts very well ~
I was going to say that your 1st stanza frikkin rocks....but each of them do....great job......but the length is the killer ~
I am surprised that you could not extend this fabulous write any further...as I was just starting to Really get into it ~
:)
Each Triolet could stand on its' own as a power house statement ~
This entry is going up against another great entry scored before this one ~
I wish you well Poet in this contest,
Let's see how it scored!
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 10
Depth 9.9
Theme 10
Feelings 9.7
Grammar 9.8
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8
Ability to follow Rules 9.0
Bears Score: 98.0
Hmmm.....you're tied with another entry....your loss of a point came from not following Rules :( as it took off a whole point...it will now be up to my Co-Judge!
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments and the honourable mention. I apologise for the typo at "frozen" and for not taking more time to read your rules. Both were a result of having too little time to take proper notice. I hope I can do better next time.
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Very Unique!
This is really good, I love the way you have compared the ups and downs of a relationship with the ever changing climate. Very well penned indeed. Good luck in the contest!
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