The deathbell tolls........
(bell)
Do you fear Death?
Do you cringe at what you hear?
If you cowar at the word
then I too must you fear.
Death is something from which
The living cannot flee.
Thus it would be wise to heed the
warning Death gives thee.
Eventually you too with I must
come face to face.
But for those who run it comes
with great haste.
(bell)
The bell tolls once more...
A contest entry
- DARK SHTUFF by Cassie fai lume.
300 points, ended November 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think and what you think I could improve.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Cool...
The flow doesn't bother me, I enjoyed the ride & the message therein...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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for those who have trouble with the flow
The flow changes up at the line starting with the word Death, then the next speeds up slightly, and the last two go back with the original flow. -
I like this. the flow seems a bit off, but I enjoyed this.
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Its a overall good poem, it just needs ti flow a little better.
good luck in my contest.
X.O
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I think its ok as it is. Some times as here, simplicity is finer than pages full. Its worked very well, you have created powerful imagery and it has a superb flow. Very well penned indeed! Good luck in the contest!
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Please do tell me what you think I could improve on.
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