the lights in the distance make
her face look too pale
where she sits smoking her destruction
it curls up&&up as she pulls it in
lighting the tip in its orange glow.
[baby, she doesnt care
about destroying her life]
shes still breathing
but her[addicting]headaches
drum the beat of her heart
against her forehead
she cant concentrate-
some mistake it for lack of sleep
[Baby, shes not sleeping either]
nicotine is her newest addiction
she cant start and stop as you please
[baby, you should know]
she cant trust the word, love;
but she'll say it for him
he's the only one who could mean it
&& now he cant see her heartbreak
as she pulls in again
and blows the heavy smoke
out in a puff with too many tears[escaping]
the metal presses cold to her chest;
she feels weighted[destroyed]
but he's still living his life
he cant give her a reason to live for
this is her brightest fall.
[baby, you should know]
she cant say she wont live without him
because shes done it before todays fall
[it wasnt too easy]
all her tears are gathered
from those days alone
shes ready to pour them out
but she cant lose
those parts shes held for him
[baby, you should know]
my lust, my desire
is only one word, love.
love for him, baby, love for you.
[and that will be the death of me]
she pulls in making the tip
glow again&&again&&again
she cant stop
and maybe she never will
starlights;shadows;forgotten hearts
she wont live today
&& he cant cry until tomorrow
[[BABY, YOU SHOULD KNOW]]
m. m. o'malley
10-11-07
12 26 p m
Author notes
[♥] Pain
[♥] Broken Love
[♥] Plain old depression and what it feels like
[♥] Self Injury(if smoking is still considered self injury.
Contest #2
options #5 and #10
hope this is what you're looking for.
©♥
ShesNoPrettyLady--x
A contest entry
- Somehow [Everythings] Going To Fall. {Darling We're Not Giving Up} by SarahEatsAirplane.
800 points, ended December 4, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 125th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended December 29, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
i love these lines
drum the beat of her heart
against her forehead
and
she pulls in making the tip
glow again&&again&&again
i love how this tells a story and engages the reader. nice write.
-
-
thanks very much sweetie.
happy you liked it.
♥love
-
-
I was extremely turned off by the mention of the word, baby. I despise that word and I could ever take it seriously in poetry. I'm also not too sure how this goes with the contest?
-
-
well, the word 'baby' is used very frequently now and the guy i wrote this too uses that name on my constantly.
and this has everything to do with smoking. i just dont say directing 'im smokin a cigarette' you have to look at the underlying words.
well anyway. thanks for reading. happy judging.
♥
-
-
this is her brightest fall
loved that line.gorgeous. this is so sad, the whole cigarette addiction scenes added a nice touch. Gooud luck and great job
-
-
thanks much deary.
i smoke, haha, and its so so bad for me. i need to quit btw. i will eventually. its a nice stress reliever.
so yeah.
thanks again,
♥.lovelove.
ShesNoPrettyLady--x
-
-
This is definitely straight from the heart.
I love the way you portrayed her emotions so clearly, it made it an easy write to read..
Thank you for this piece of dirty pretty, I really did enjoy reading it..
good luck,
ContagiousXAccident -
-
thank you much.
it was a hard one to write because there was so much i wanted to put into it. so many emotions that ive felt recently.
again thank you. happy judging.
♥.lovelove.
-
-
I haven't read your stuff in awhile either
This is sooo amazing. Good luck in the contest!
I love it
<3 Jeneralix
-
-
thanks babydoll
i love you.♥
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
