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Everyone

i want to be free
i want to feel alive
but this
just isn't worth it
i've stopped trying
i've tried way too hard
i'm just a shadow
of my self
the person you see infront of you
is not really a person at all
just what everyone who tried changing her turned her into
the government
has turned it's back on the world
it has destroyed every single one of us
just like everyone destroyed me

Author notes

old poem i wrote that i found and fixed it up a little.
it's not my best work but its something.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • lowercase prelude gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    not bad
    but it seems like is that you've blended to topics and so it makes the poem make less sense than it should.

    like after you threw in that part about the government, after that i got lost

  • Dark The Poet
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I was very moved

    My mind is full of thoughts right now. I feel the weariness and the anger,no a muted rage like a scream that never makes it to the lips. I love the way the last four lines turns uas all into victims but it's no more than we deserve for what we did to the speaker.  Did I understand or did I overstand?

    Dark


  • Gold-feathers
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well It is really great except I got lost in last 2 to 3 lines. Dunno what was the thought behind but without involving the bloody government it seemed spirtual and sad and so emotional. But never mind it's still awesome. Really got some life in it. Well I would be glad if it explained some more. Just check it out


  • cherrylollypop
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awwwww i like this is very much...


  • Coloured Skies
    August 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    GREAT!

    great poem i love it and thanks for commenting on mine too...x

  • XxloveissucidexX
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love it


  • Kittehs-Tears
    July 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love it =]


    -Jexxi-


  • Rock-Junkie
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    to me...it's okayish.
    maybe cause I dont see the subject of it - but right now Im kinda on a 'one-tracked' mind on something..
    great job though
    Good Luck!!
    *HxRxG*


  • Scars-On-Her-Arms
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i loce this.


  • emo-freak
    October 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    love it, hey, come back to rev_xx we miss u.


  • Hun7er
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i feel i can

    reflect my life to this..
    i really liked it ..

    the first half of the poem make me feel that theres somethng behind the letters trying to reach out. trying to be all it can be.

    i really liked these line
    "the person you see infront of you
    is not really a person at all
    just what everyone who tried changing her turned her into" - mosty because its a near mirror to my reality (except the "her")

    this is an amazing poem and i love reading it

    keep up the good work.

    o btw i think a commer here;

    "...
    is not really a person at all
    just what everyone who tried changing her turned her into,
    the gover..."

    will help readers flow with the poem more

    -paul-
    x

1 - 11 of 11