they clutch my hands
squeezing with a pressure
that dimly registers
even in my removed location
faintly I feel hands
stroke hair that is dirty
dull from no washings
come back, they plead
their voices choked
with urgency
come back-
we miss you
we need you...
what they don't know
don't understand
is maybe I
don't want to return
maybe I like it here
in this distant area
of absence-
no hurting-
no pressure-
only an empty openness
that engulfs me
even as it connects me
faintly
to their more demanding world
maybe I prefer
this nothingness
where at least there is
no pain
even if there is
no peace.
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