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A Woman's Write

 

 

 

 

afternoon sun
glared on the signs

she dodged them like a running back
headed to the end zone

tackled on the one yard line
by a wild eyed soldier of God

 

 

   .

 

 

Janie's mom died on Easter,

she took charge of the little ones

the new mommy did  well,

 

her daddy was so pleased

he gave her another

 

the baby arrived in time  for Christmas

 

 

   .

 

 

getting pregnant the first time
wasn't supposed to happen

the cab ride to the clinic
took longer than the act

she came out hard
and got stoned


a life time later,

 

 

 cracked

 

 

.

 

 


knocked up, knocked down
dropped off

she debated,  
counting his cash

bolted,
bought a ticket

to new life

 

 

.

 

 


Mama, can I ?

no, son

but, I wanna

no means no, son



she sees his grin
on her little boy's lips

and remembers the conception

some men don't take no for an answer

 

 

   .





Author notes

These vignettes are viewed as a whole, but are able to stand alone. Sort of a montage. They address the issue from each woman's perspective.

The 2nd vignette has been edited, since the 1st contest.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • jocelynclaire
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Finally, someone on this site that can comprehend the fact that women are complex, that there is no way to define "woman", that our experiences, all of them, are legitimate. Thank you for this write.


  • SignifyingNothing
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! This is incredible!! I absolutely love how you gave this little snippets of life from the point of view of each woman. This is a great write. Thank you so much for sharing this with me and entering!

    • Luna Tique Fringe
      November 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the gold. I was wondering how this contest would be received, looks like a few minor thingies, but overall, not bad.


  • ellipsist
    November 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ...

    not sure what else to say... not sure what has been said...

    damn...


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    October 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i think this is a good piece as well, i love the how you approach the topic... maybe a nip or tuck here and there but really nice overall...


    al


  • Cat gold member
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a clever piece of events- credible constants through out the piece- the last vignette reads as your strongest for me- the ironic twist is cleverly portrayed

    not sure the lines "the new mommy did so well" and the line following works.. but other than that i think this is a strong entry.


    m

  • Suzanne Dia
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    Ouch. This carries weight. I like how it travels, though, I like that a lot. I see her going through it all..i see the growth, and yet each stands alone.

    Nice.


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one a lot NC.
    Should have gotten some metal...gggrrrrrr
    or is it still being judged?

    If so...fingers crossed for you


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      October 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks,I appreciate the vote of confidence
      Perhaps I have a chance, heavy hitters in this one, though.


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I read this again and YEP...it's still damn good.
    I think this is one of my favorites of yours

    Becky


  • Annalise
    October 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That third "piece" tugged at my heart, it did.

    Nice set of vignettes.

  • tara wilson gold member
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay - everything everyone else has said about this and might I add excellent, excellent poem - WOW - Loved this, every one...and I love how you broke each section up - very unique... (yes, this is my favorite of yours to date....you should write more of these!)


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow--this is a very strong poem! Good luck in the contest! It tackled some important issues and you came up with a great poem!


  • HaleyMary
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful write. The imagery in this is very vivid.
    The last line was powerful and seemed to relate to the beginning of the story. it is sad how some guys in society don't understand the meaning of the word no. While there are some guys out there who do understand when not to cross boundary lines, there don't seem to be enough guys out there today willing to be gentlemen.
    this is a wonderful write, Luna. Best of luck in the contest.


  • PerVirtuous
    October 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Quite a collection of snapshots.


  • liltandrhyme silver member
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Deb,

    This is just so great that I am lost for words.


    PJ


  • aliceramone
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is powerful...one of your best poems and maybe the best I have read in awhile...your words played a movie for me...the imagery is astounding...i would write my favorite parts but it is all masterful as every single word is important-really hit home for me-bravo-thanks!-

  • zochit2me gold member
    October 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh the train of thought as it poured out of this.
    What a marvelous journey and that last line...well that last line girl just sealed it...you rock!

    Becky

1 - 19 of 19