Pillars in the night
your identity
is deftly amusing.
Endowed with so much
strength. Caustic laughter
doesn't shake your insipid
belly. As we gaze
up at you, we think
you're only a facade.
Author notes
What can I say. I'm a first-timer.
Written October 7th, 2003
A contest entry
- October New Members- "Chin Up" Poetry Contest - Hosted by The AllPoetry Greeter Staff by CookieZeal.
300 points, ended November 3, 2003, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Remember Ozymandias - Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level sands stretch far away.
Don't be a facade - or think of others in those terms. Life is real, and it's all we've got. -
It would seem to me that the object of your peice was a facture pf hope , or do you thought. Until at least you where prved to otherwise. I like this poem very much.
as far as following the criteria, it loosely does,but just loosely mind you,
good luck in the contest,
peace be with & blessed be;
shaggy wolf -
I see the hope...
(good job packing in all the required words in such a short space) -
The hope is in knowing that one is stronger than those who think that they are just a facade. The satisfaction
is in knowing that one rises above even if others do not see what they really are.
It wasn't supposed to be gloomy, It was supposed to be real.
Thank you for the honesty.
~mike~
Edited on Oct 10, 6:05 because 'misspelling'. -
A superb piece of poetry but where is the 'hope'? As said before me - it doesn't quite fit the criteria but it's an amazing piece of art work.
~Von~ -
Well I will have to agree with cookiezeal, a very good poem, but not quite the contest critera, but thats ok you can revise this one or enter another one!
Lakota x -
Not a lot of hope, but a lot of talent. Wonderfully done.
And I had to go find out what Surreptitious meant. It's not often I get to learn a new word, so I owe you for that. How about 'Antedeluvia n' or 'Abibiblioph obia'? Seem like a fair trade?
Good luck in the contest! -
short but to the point, it takes the bones of the challenge and brings them to life in the poem. No more needed, and not overdone.
WSD -
Nice work! Good luck in the contest!
Aimee Jo -
I think this is a VERY GOOD PIECE. I must admit, however, that I would like to see the sardonic part of it to resolve to a more hopeful one. It doesn't meet the criteria much, but you have one great poem to post to your list.
I dare not ask people to change what's in their hearts, but that's just my honest thoughts on it for this contest.
Very GOOD writing! Thank you and WELCOME to AllPoetry.
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I'm thinking that the laugh in your poem is that of a haughty, "holier-than-tho
u" kind of person. Genuine laughter is full of love and very carefree, instead of trite and contrived. I like this poem, even though it's your first post here. Did you just decide to start dabbling in poetry, or are you one of those professionals who just hasn't made yourself known yet? Well, either way, I liked it...take care, until next time.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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