A deadly lie, a desperate love
A feigned identity
A stony grave, a broken heart
Beneath the willow tree.
They say ignorance is bliss
Now ignorance is life
The shocking truth has been revealed
As wounding as a knife.
('nother stanza inbetween here)
They float around in search of those
Whose loneliness they crave
Their anger turns to murder
As they dance into the grave.
Author notes
Option 4 -- this is lightly based on the story giselle, a ballet -- one of my favs! it's a very awesome ballet and very sad.
A contest entry
- 15 and Under ONLY ~ Win A Gold Membership in our Halloween Contest! by Amunet Wolfbane.
6000 points, ended November 14, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
does this scare you?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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oooohhhhhh....this is really good. A few more stanzas would deffinatly be a good idea. The last stanzas a bit upbrupt, maybe if you added something before it?
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NICE JOB I'm trying to get my comments up to 600 and then I can move up!!
yeah 600 comments. lolz and I bet you're supah jealous because I got an HM in this contest >.< I love your poem really bad, I don't think it's stumbly. But put another stanza between 2nd and 3rd stanza like leander said. k?? k.
bye
lise
PSHISTEVEIRWINWASAWESOMEXD
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This is a very cool piece you have written. A little stumbling reading through it in a few areas but nothing of major worry really. Great imagery and you held my attention
Thank you for entering and best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Very nicely done. The first couple lines captured me, but I feel in the end of the last stanze, it went on a bit too much or didn't break right, something a little rough there. Overall though, I dig it.
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I'm not sure if this poem is finished or not? since it's still like that in the title?
Anyway, you've done a pretty good job here, though maybe you could have added another stanza between the 2nd and 3rd
Thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the best of luck
Leander
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