Over the years
my mind, I can feel
slips and slides
towards the future.
I never seem to remember
what it is I ever learned.
But there is
one
dream, manifested by pieces of truth,
that I just can't shake.
Lucky me.
For I believe it
is all I'll ever need
to know.
Strongly carved on
the interior
of my most stubborn wall. I
have the answer
to a question.
This I'm positive, you
all,
everyone,
has asked before.
"Why?"
Every mind has
striven for dominion
over it's
free kingdom, but
many
miss the simplicity.
Except for one modern day sage;
forged from the fires of diligence, yet
trapped in compliance
to mortality's demands.
Who simply snaps:
"Because!"
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Thank you for entering the contest, I appreciate your efforts. The word “because”, I think, is such an obvious one but only a couple of poems offered it and while I was hoping for more, it works here. So - - a solid mark goes there. Not missing the spelling is always a good thing and with so many other wonderful poems failing in this area, it is nice to see one that holds together. Your imagery is wonderfully presented and the ideas flow very well, so often we get image but sacrifice flow – nice blending. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 9
2) Originality 8.5
3) Flow 9
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 8.5
5) Imagery 9
6) Grammar 7.5
7) Form 9
8) Spelling 10
9) Emotional Impact 7.5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 8.5
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score =86.5
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excelent critique. it must have taken forever to grade every poem and it is greatly appreciated.
i have to say i'm happy with my score, if only this was my adverage in school. haha -
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you did well, i was very impressed, and yes, it took 28 total hours to read, evaluate, re-read, re-evalutate, score, re-re-read aloud - each poem several times, re-re-re-evaluate and then i had to add the scores - triple checked because math and i are NOT on speaking terms, then figgerout which were the top 3 then the next 10, then order them in the contest bar by rank and make sure i really did comment on EVERY poem (i missed 2 and had to go back) -
i dont know if i'll do THAT again
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haha ya the thought makes my head spin
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