I hate myself.

I hate the day we met
and all the joy we had
I hate that you have always hated me
and that I have always been so sad
I used to be different
not so picky not a bitch
but when you truly care about someone
you go to all limits to make sure they are okay
you don’t want to hurt them
but in the end you do
you drive them away with your negativity
jealousy
and grief

this is me.
this is what I have become.

I tell myself that over and over
to know that its not your fault.
one year we have almost made it
and I’m pulling out my hair
I don’t understand how I got this way
or when these emotions began to overwhelm me
I had never been so judgmental
or hateful
but now I am
I hate people for being fat, for anything I can.

what did they do to me
I ask myself over and over again.
but the truth that I continue to find
is that I only think I hate these people
In reality
I hate myself
I hate my mistakes
The fat on my body makes me sick.

I hate my nose.
the way I can be so mean

just forget I ever
existed
because I will only ruin you.

my honesty
and hate for myself
are my biggest faults
That I try again and again to correct and I cant.

I’m imperfect
and perfection is what I seek
I will never find it
so I choose to point out others
to cover up mine.