Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Fashionably

Missing image

 

 

 

You colour the canvas

                      (with charcoal) -

expectantly waiting

  to hear the ghosts of my syllables

    thud against your black.

 

But I am more

than pixels and words ...

 

And though you're               late,

                  (fashionably)
you realize it

               all

                   too

                       well;

 

       "when you look

        for a potential kiss

        beneath my sheets

        of paper artwork"


You end up,

            making love

to the echoes of my breath. 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Picture credit: "Silent whispers' by Ray Caesar


Deeply metaphoric and personal.


I ran into my ex this weekend. It's been four years and half since I got rid of him and one of his girlfriends had the guts to come to me, asking if I wanted to drink something with them. I answered no, and explained why...

And all that time, I was his muse, his icon he said according to her...

I made it clear to him that I'm not


Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • PersephoneInWinter
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, some one recomended that i read this, and i can see why!
    such deep and profound metaphors, and such an unusual format. i absolutely love the end,

    "You end up,
    making love
    to the echoes of my breath."

    that is just beautiful!
    great poem!


  • Polaja Greeters member
    February 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure what to write that won't be blatant praise you are such a talented poet - I really enjoy reading your works, and this would be one of my favorites... the way you use metaphor is masterful to say the least - and as always your presentation suits the poem perfectly... leaves me speechless (kind of )!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • Annexed Josephine
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    words like art

    i for one love breaks like this. it makes the words into art work. they twist and they say more this way. i dig it.
  • Justin3
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nicely put

    The theme is not altogether groundbreaking, but it is sincere which is even more important.I love the form of the poem it has no category which is what makes it great.Nice work and thank you for entering.

  • Celticmoon gold member
    January 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lee your words sink hard and heavy within the heart. The pain is there, clear as day, but anger is also present and very notable within the lines you have penned. Your pen knows no other way but to impress with the best always Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!


    Blessings
    Bel

  • NoUseForAName
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece. The weakness in it, at least for me, is the form. It's a distraction. The words stand alone, why bother the reader with trying to follow them? Readers are lazy, we just want the meat of it, and it's there, underneath the form.
  • ecrivain01
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is a great poem ...

    and it reminds me of a scene or two in Torch Song Trilogy. Anyway, it sounds to me that he was giving you a compliment, if he said you were his muse. I certainly wouldn't object to somebody saying that about me.

    Anyway, this is a good poem. I can't say the format does anything for me, but it doesn't bother me either. It's just there, and the poem works on its own merits whether because of or in spite of the format.

    All in all, good job.


  • Naridill
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, its crafted beautifully. My only pet hate, is the flow is constantly interrupted [for me] by the format of this piece. The metaphors and imagery are simply divine and what an ending * sigh *

    Thanks for entering
    & you are being removed but all poems which don't make pre-lims will be.

  • ShInE45DoWn
    December 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow.

    This is absolutely amazing.
    The form (or possibly lackthereof) just adds to this piece. Your spacing, metephors, words, all blend together in beautiful yet painful harmony.
    The ending is completely perfect to close the piece, leaving you knowing but still somewhat wondering.
    I'm wowed.
    <3shinE*


  • Mildew in PinK tile
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i loved the poem.. but i love the fact that it was about an ex. i deeply relate.

    hun could please put your sn in the authors notes i dont want to DQ you!


    • leander Moderators member
      November 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      oj, missed me here, what do you mean with sn? English isn't my maternal and yah...

  • esroddo
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding write

    I love your style its a great piece of art. Well enjoyed. I love your talent with words. LISA


  • stavykm gold member
    November 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Very interesting write and then the author's notes. Well I had to read it again and the layout is very unusual but wonderful in your write. Fashionable I loved dropping down on the line and then beneath my sheets of paperwork. Wonderful, I loved your write. Thank you for sharing your talent with me, Kelle Marie, stavykm


  • Barbara gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh... I like! I like! The addition of certain words like (this) add so much to this, and the strategic placement of the lines is wonderful.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.


  • chills
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way (fashionably) is so late for it's line. That's a three clap touch............


  • aboomer silver member
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, I really like the wording in this! I think it is very well done!
    I can't pick a favorite line as I like them all. I really like, though...
    'I am more
    than pixels and words..' It says so much, to me, about the person and people in general. We are all so much more than pixels and words, so much deeper than that.
    Anyways, I really liked this and am glad I read it.
    Best wishes.


  • Griswold gold member
    October 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written for this unusual contest, A great write indeed, glad you cleared that up for him... very well done. Bless you in all you do...Scott


  • Nam
    October 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "expectantly waiting," - since you use the "to" to begin the next line, I don't understand the use of the comma at the end of this one, since it reads as an enjambment?

    The end is minimally cliché, however, that doesn't take away from the poem, at all; and I do not think most would notice unless they were an avid reader of everything.

    A good poem that you have written here.


  • Mezclita
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Quite original... I do like especially the part about being late (fashionably) then looking for a kiss beneath your sheets of artwork... nice!

  • Venugopal gold member
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    just delivered from imagination not very frequently comes. A poem to read and enjoy the mystery, love and sweetness..Kudos to you

  • Utok Bulinaw
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The last three lines just took my breath away my friend. The words here definitely reveal how personal this is to you. Glad to read from you again. Hugs, Rhona

  • Drizzt Do Urdyn
    October 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hm... Sentimental Gentlemen?

  • birch
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    that last stanza really impressed me when i read it, and i just knew that i'd be telling you so in my comment. so here i am doing just that. beautiful. dusty

  • gaze
    October 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of those I could come close to YOUR own interpretation.
    I really like it and the last lines give a very strong image to the whole poem.
    Glad to see you posting

    Loves, mommer


  • Anna Emkah
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done! I was glad that you had put an explanation in your 'Author's Note', otherwise I would probably not have understood what it was about. You used great imagery to tell your story. Anna


  • Tender Expressions
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can only say that I love this piece of fine art you have created. Your words do poetry an honor in the manner you express them. Your emotion in this piece is of a buttersweet rememberance of sorts, with an underlying touch of...anger, perhaps? A lovely penning of emotional expression.

    . Rewarded 6


  • Nicolette gold member
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This one has quite an edge to it but how well you wrote this one. Excellent poetry and such a punchline at the end wow!!...."You end up, making love to the echoes of my breath." Loved the metaphor you've applied here, my friend. Now I understand why you were so angry this morning. Well-said, poet - I loved this one!!

    ~ Nicolette


    • leander Moderators member
      October 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Actually, that wasn't the reason
      this is just something I had to write off me after my encounter with the ex

  • TacoSexyFail
    October 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nice. Love the ending


  • Electric Sunrise Moderators member
    October 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm, yum, thats all i can say, and thats in regards to both the poem and your avatar On a serious note, excellent, pure gold:

    "You end up,

    making love

    to the echoes of my breath"

    WOW thats the only way i can describe that, nicely done hun

1 - 33 of 33