We live our lives day by day,
dull shades of indifferent gray.
We walk around, heads held high,
even when we know it's all been a lie.
We lie and cheat and steal and win,
hate, regret, living in sin
We fall in love and our hearts, they break
but why?, for our own sake?
life is full of little mistakes
paranoid dreams of a heart that aches
Love is all about growing, right?
seeing ourselves in a different light
Death is the end to it all
patronized into wanting to fall
birth is a miracle, how we became
but why? so we can we can play our petty little games
Subdued into darkness, wanting to fall
teased into loving, loving them all
wanted by so many, an immense thrill within
yet love by nobody?, so how do we win
tricked into life, into this trap
don't know where to run, lost with no map
Refused any happines by a diabolical fate
but why? why love, why live? why die? why hate?
why do we love?
why do we try?
why do we hate?
why do we cry?
why do we survive?
why do we lie?
why so need?
why?...
so we can die?
Author notes
why are given a chance at life?..a chance to grow and be happy, to learn from mistakes, fall in love. if we are just going to have it snatched away from us when we least expect or want it?
or why are we put through so much pain for nothing?, why do people go through hell just to die and get to heaven?
life is cruel, just by being life, just by letting us believe in happiness...have hope, and taking it away by killing us.
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Thanks for entering the contest, I appreciate it. I am unsure when the title offers a misspelled word, how to interpret that, analyze it. but when I take time to read through the poem I find no reason for it and have to mark down accordingly. happiness is also misspelled. the content is good but lacking in originality and flow and the vocabulary is average, not compelling. Your imagery is nonexistent so that is why the low score. I would suggest you revisit the poem and try to find the original reasons for writing it, sit with the feelings, look for images and metaphor to express your heart in a better light. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 8
2) Originality 7
3) Flow 7
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 6
5) Imagery 4
6) Grammar 8
7) Form8
8) Spelling 6
9) Emotional Impact 6
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 6
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score =66
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I like this alot you have done a fine job with this. I ask myself alot why this and why that.Thank you for sharing this piece with me goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes and much love
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