Do i hate you?
i really don't know
i have this felling i do
but my head tells me no
my heart is hurting
from what you did to me
i thought i loved you
but I'm in between now
and i really don't know what one to pick
why did you hurt me so bad?
we were happy and always saying i love you
but now its gone and im lost with out you
i ask myself
do i hate you?
or do i love you?
i really don't know its so hard to pick
can i do both?
thats what i really want todo
but every thing tells me
yes,no what am i going to do?
I'm going crazy over you
but in the end
i still ask my self
Do i hate you?
A contest entry
- Five by Nam.
425 points, ended October 11, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbroken by Crimson Lotus.
900 points, ended October 29, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me you feelings!!! by fire angel.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - * * * loving you forever ? * * * by The Hardest Goodbye.
450 points, ended December 28, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
i know the feeling to, and it does suck. but life moves on.
great poem 
good luck in my contest!
xo
kandy -
i know the feelin. it sucks...but it all depends on that other person.
awesome write -
oh some one love stuck r they great write
-
I do not feel there's a need for the underlining of "Do i hate you?", I also felt that if you're going to capitalize "Do" in the first, and last line, then perhaps you should capitalize every other line (except enjambments) and even the "i" in the title, and throughout. The "underline" is the emphasis, so, both the underline and capital "D" isn't needed. I feel both should be removed but if you're set on one, then, I'd pick one, and get rid of the other.
It seems you started to rhyme in the beginning, and then ceased and went free-verse. I do not feel that really works. I would suggest either making it all rhyme, or getting rid of the rhyming in the beginning. The latter's probably the way to go since it only really takes up a few lines.
"and i really don't know what one to pick"
"and" isn't needed in the above line, and "what" should be "which".
"but now its gone and im lost with out you" - "its" would be "it's" and "im" would be "I'm" (or if keeping the lowercase "i'm".)
"i really don't know its so hard to pick
thats what i really want todo
yes,no what am i going to do?"
first line: "its" would be "it's"
second line: "thats" would be "that's" and "todo" would be "to do"
third line: "yes,no" should be "yes, no" also, I feel that "no" would be "now".
The second part seems to be in repetition of the first part after the second underlining of "do I hate you" (note: the lowercase "d" compared to the capitalized "D" in the other usages) - you're just repeating the same thing twice. It's not needed.
This poem could use a major cleanup, in such regard to the above comments I make.
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