Always smiling
Straining to keep my back
Straight
Tall
Eyes soft and a voice to match
Never showing
The strangling pain
Or drowning tears
Behind the laughter
Hiding
Burrying
The bitter edge of it
So only a touch of amusement shows
Nothing else
So I write
To purge the feelings
Keep the smile pure
And go through life
Like a china-faced
Doll
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Thank you so much for entering this in the contest, I appreciate your efforts. Now, if the poem lacks anything it is only that it (for me) does not fit the contest content. you have a lovely poetic vision which translates well to the reader, admirably. Your misspelled word ‘Burrying’ was detraction from the beauty and the poem will do well with a correction. I think the capitalization of each line is o.k. but only o.k. as it detracts here rather than enhances the presentation. That comment by the way, was completely subjective and without much merit. You have skill, don’t get me wrong, you should not take one old man’s opinion as gospel but keep pressing on in your writing. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 2
2) Originality 9
3) Flow 9
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 9
5) Imagery 7
6) Grammar 8
7) Form 9
8) Spelling 5
9) Emotional Impact 9
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 9
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score= 76
Adding your comment:
