Tell me why
Tell me why I hurt everyday
Why do I suffer so
Why must i feel such pain
Doesn't anyone know
Can't anyone see
How little I feel
How small i am
How insignificant
Why can no one see
Why must it be me
Why do I hurt so
What did I do
Why do I deserve this
No one has the answers
There is no one who cares
No one at all
I am alone
I am lost
But no one will tell me why
No one will tell me
I just don't understand
I don't get the reasoning
That i must hurt like this
That others can feel happiness
But i have to feel pain
No one will tell
No one will tell me why
Please please tell me why
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Eating Disorders and Depression by BarbedWireButterfly.
900 points, ended July 16, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Interesting. The word flow could be a tiny tiny bit better. What I think would really add to it is if the word space between the parts of why and the actual 'stanza' of why were equal in number. For example:
Why=4
Something else = 4
Why=4
etc etc
Don't take that offensively =D
Anyway, interesting poem. Thank you for entering and good luck. -
Well, what we have here is another one of your poems that I can relate to. The pain I feel it makes me wonder and think why does it have to be the way that it is.
I tend to get these feelings everyday, I suffer depression and Seasonal Afflictive Disorder, and I wonder why did I get blessed with depression and SAD?
I hate having those reoccurent feeling because it sucks especially when it is every single damn day of the week.
Not a day goes by without me thinking about my pain and why I have it.
It is also a frequent feeling of me being alone and lost. I feel so lost in my fucked up school, I cannot find a place that I am happy to be. So often, I feel alone and that no one cares, but then I realize that there are some people who do care. Oh, and even if you are older than me, remember, if you need to talk about anything I am here. I am going to minor in psychology when I get out of High School. Remember that you are not ever alone and that someone is in your corner.
Good Poem that we have here!!!
-
You have talent, of that I’ve no doubt and you should not take this one comment as anything to dissuade you from continuing in your endeavors to write your heart aloud. But what misses here is your heart. the emotion is lacking, the words you’ve chosen do not convey enough to carry the weight of your message, your emotion. The imagery is bland, to nonexistent. With that said, I would suggest you not dump this poem but keep it, it is your expression of where you are at this point in time – what you wanted to try to say…explorations like this are good to get at what we mean. I know you will be a very good poet one day. Thank you for entering the contest, I appreciate your efforts.
1) Content 6
2) Originality 6
3) Flow 5
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 5
5) Imagery 3
6) Grammar 6
7) Form 7
8) Spelling 5
9) Emotional Impact 3
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 4
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 50
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