So many tears.
Shed over the years.
Struggles of life.
Dismal,dismal strife.
Gone is the love.
Gone on the wings of a dove.
Lonely is the man.
He did what he can.
Seasons come and go.
Winds of agony blow.
Life is unfair.
But, whom will care.
I have lived my years.
I have shed my tears.
Life will soon end.
Hopefully, to heaven I will ascend.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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nice write i like the rhyme it sucked me in
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moving piece of art we all go when our nuber isd up hopefull its not too soon cheers
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Lets hope not too soon. Well written but sad.
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ah life, it holds many rivers for us, created by tears, and many suns made brighter by smiles, when the end comes, we can live and die in hope, a good poem
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Wow, dark and compelling. I think the rhyme helps to pull the reader along into this emotion. It is simple, but i think touches on the thoughts that many share. Well done, poet.
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Emotional
Your word choices elegantly define what you wish to capture or convey. You describe your emotions and gently make us feel how they effect you. Your work shouts of a subtle wisdom gently distributed throughout your poem.
“But, whom will care.” The object pronoun “whom” cannot be used as a subject. “But, who will care.” is the correct form.
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Well put feeling of strife.
An enjoyable read.
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Well done. It is a bittersweet look back on life. I like the flow and the rhyme that you used.
Great job.
Mike
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Longing
I too have felt the drifting snads of time and looked out the window to the quickly approaching horizon. And wondered...
I'd like to share this poem with you
Called "The Sands of Time". I wrote it about a year ago. Just follow the link.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/1539143
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I read your profile as I often do before I comment on another's work. This is my habit after I have received a comment on one of mine. I see that your age brings you to my brother's age who is twenty one years my senior. Having only this piece so far to mesh my soul with yours I have very mixed feelings. I am concerned that your write tells me where I will stand just a few more miles down the road. "Dismal, dismal strife" and love gone and a lonely man, winds are of agony rather than solace, life is unfair, and there is question about final residence. If this is gleening too much from the write just tell me. I am concerned about a future moment myself when all the waves and walls come crashing in. This is a fine note about many years and many disappointments. What would have changed the piece, what could have been different. I really want and need to know. RC
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Such solitude exists in these words, but there is hope on the horizon. You speak with a voice born of wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
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Life is such ...
Strife, sorrow, solitude ... smiles, joy, togetherness ... loss, acceptance, endurance ... and then we die.
It is fair, Poet. Yes. For: this is only preparatory. Our Home is Elsewhere.
Of course you will go to heaven! Rejoice!
I loved how you voiced the words of millions.
Blessed be.
Myra
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You've got that "had it & lost it" vibe here, but it's not strong, not really effective.....
♥
whisper
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This is wonderful and thought provoking. By using the fourth Paeon meter you have given it a rapid flow and the iamb, anapaest combination rolls of the tongue well. (I'm sure uou will ascend)
Love,
Amera♥
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a good poem, though again there is no real need to have a period at the end of every single line here, it would read much better if you used some commas an in some places nothing at all.
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what a awesome poem...it really hits the readers heart if i was to pick a part that i really love gotta be -
*Seasons come and go.
Winds of agony blow.
Life is unfair.
But, whom will care.*
it is such a great poem...i don't think any thing i can say will do it justice
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Thought provoking
I'm almost seventy but I guess I haven't faced my mortality yet. I feel like I have a lot of living and loving to do before I check out. When I do, It'll be like a night jump. Don't know what I'll find when I collapse my Chute. Hopefully not too much blood upon the risers. It will be an adventure. keep writing.
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Wow
I feel your heartache my friend. I to am a guy going in the wrong direction. Hang tough ok?
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Very Heartfelt Poem
Hello, Your poem is so full of emotions and longing for your loved one. Life has a way of catching up to us and when we find ourselves alone we look back and count the years and tears that brought us this far. I can really relate to your words. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful poem with us. I hope you have a nice Christmas. God Bless you. Sandy
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Wow. Really nice piece. The third verse is my favorite. So sad, this piece, but I would take it out of adult...since it doesn't quite fit that category. Great work. I believe there are many that can relate to this, which I did. Good job.
Should "kived" be "lived"?
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