Memories of an earlier age
of a time and place.
where nothing mattered
but the sound of your voice
and the touch of your hand
attempting to inhale my soul
through the lips of an angel.
Your fingertips g r a z e bare skin...
and a c h i l l runs down my spine
I want to hear the whisper
of love and devotion
To lie in your arms, and dream
of a day when we can b.r.e.a.t.h.e as one
When your last name becomes MY OWN
and every signature reminds me of you
So t e l l me darling, all of your secrets
so that we may stand here, concocting
each visualization of a future together
Softly my body responds to your touch
and I feel your arms tighten
it's dark, and still I see the fear
but my lips m.e.e.t. yours once more
and again your breath is at my ear
"I am yours. Forever."
and I believe every word
as I let my walls come crashing down
and I BUILD my trust in you
But days go by... and weeks pass
and still no word from you.
status changes and worried thoughts
and mental anxiety that scares me
I love you, I love you
please know this is true
but still you have no interest
and I simply can not understand
You do not want me for f o r e v e r?
A.l.o.n.e? Celibate?
What does this mean?
How could you trade our life
for a life of loneliness
Without passion, without love
the very things that you value
will be the DeAtH of me!
Open your eyes!
O y E
P o Y
E u E
N r S
Breathe life back into my veins...
Your values are my torture...
Author notes
Your Values Are My Torture
I chose a mixture between love and hate because this poem portrays this girls love for him... and his desire to remain alone...
she loathes him for that choice...
but can't stop herself from loving him...
Please critique!
A contest entry
- the continuing war between love and hate by Cerbie20.
680 points, ended May 10, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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a descriptive and creative write and although i do not fully understand the letter spacings and full stops ect i myself often write in stange styles as the mood takes me so i can understand a little an dit is a very descriptive write , very emotional
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Thank you so much! It's great to hear from you again! This style is commonly referred to as Dirty Pretty, and I went through a phase where all I wanted to write was Dirty Pretty because I loved it soooooo much....
Thanks again for the feedback, and welcome back to AP!
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Wow this poem really did amaze me, it is so original and its not like any other poem ive read, not "woe is me" normal emo dirty pretty but love and hate dirty pretty and you did an amazing job with this, thank you for entering, best of luck in the contest,
all my love,
kitty xxx -
*whistles* i bet this poem took some work. and i love how you wrote some of your words with spaces and periods and stuff... it brought more to the visualization. it was great. good job.
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It's a form of poetry called "Dirty Pretty", its a style that I love to write in....
This poem was one of my favorites that I have written, and I am so grateful for your feedback and I am truly happy that you like it!
~*~ Poetryistherapy ~*~
Thanks again!
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Very intense write. I could so identify with the situation. I hope that it all worked out for you. The poem is lovely. "Your Values Are My Torture"...it never lasts forever though - nothing does, neither does the bad - but the immortal self does last for eternity.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, yet sad story. I do hope that all is well. I can certainly feel your pain and despair here. Blessings... -
Some unusual spacings here. Lovely stuff.
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I really love the emotions in this. The description that you used are really wonderful. Great job and thanks for entering.
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Ah
You have definitely entered with emotion. I appreciate that. I enjoyed your poem. I feel like you have a great potential, however your length gives more room for error. Although I didn't find any. Yet. haha. I would've liked to see something a bit shorter, with more power, but this will do. Good luck. -
neat poem! I like the way you wrote some of your lines. not bad at all!
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good write
this poem is very good.. not quite what i had in mind but very good none the less... the spacing, caps, bold, and underlining drew my attention away from what you were trying to say though.. great write either way and thank you for entering -
Wow! It has been quite sometime that I have read a poem filled with such great emotion. I could just feel it in every line. Some punctuation in key areas could have greatly added to flow of this poem. But overall I loved the whole tone of it. Thank you so much for entering.
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Your title is..."Your values are my torture"
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