Can you do the voodoo that you do so well,
a bleeding drum of magic in my mind?
Curse me to the deeps of hell and beyond,
I dare and I ask.
Chant and scream in my ear,
telling me of the bad things and I have done.
Give them to me in that tone,
a bleeding cause to live on.
Hit and hurt and poke and praud,
show me you have what it takes!
Do it to someone you have known,
and show me you know what you do well.
I'm not afraid,
so throw the dusty particles on my and hope they burn.
So now mercy for what you have done,
and become one with what you do.
Curse me with all your stength and put me to rest,
do it the way you always do.
Always be happy and never afraid,
and do the voodoo that you do so well.
A contest entry
- The title is mine...the poem is yours! by A Poet Named Kyoto.
425 points, ended October 24, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking For Ap Family by TheLostGirl.
525 points, ended October 23, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well, the title, and first line is cliché; people try to rewrite it from the original but you can't rewrite a classic line. I don't know if you wrote this, I see you have this entered into a contest "this title is mine...", and if that person gave you the title to use - it's not theirs. If not .. eh.
"Curse me to the deeps of hell and beyond,"
"deeps" would be "depths".
"telling me of the bad things and I have done." - "and" I believe you mean "that", however, it works without "and" or if you meant "that", works without that, too.
"Hit and hurt and poke and praud," - "praud" would be "prod".
"so throw the dusty particles on my and hope they burn." - "my" would be "me".
"So now mercy for what you have done," - "now" would be "no".
"Curse me with all your stength and put me to rest," - "stength" would be "strength".
A nice poem that you have written here.
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I love this a lot just the rythme of the voodoo and do's they flow nice and I was gonna use the sliced bread quote but its over used this was an awesome write and thanks for entering it
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I love what you have done with this piece. It was a joy to read, however, there are a few instances where possibly better word choice may have helped the flow. Great interpretation of the given title!
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Your title is...Can you do the voodoo that you do so well
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