Deep breath-so here it is,
The deep dark truth,
I've never been quite right,
Not since my youth.
And lately it's been
Getting out of hand,
I've started losing it-
Do you understand?
I laugh and chat and bubble
All damn day
But sometimes all I really
Wanna say
Is, "Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
Can't you see that I'm drowning?
Does sadness just compute
When I am frowning?"
I want to smash all objects
Within reach,
Scrub the darkness all away,
Perhaps with bleach...
See what I'm trying to confess
Is that I'm crazy more or less,
But I don't want to tell a soul,
Because my madness makes me whole,
And if I tell the Doctor truly,
Then he'll dose me up, and duly,
I will be that empty shell I was before,
When I couldn't feel a thing,not any more.
I know that what I do
Is not quite right,
My brain goes into freefall
When we fight.
Sometimes it doesn't
Even have to be,
Anything but
Making bloody tea-
A synapse bursts inside
And all I know
Is that I'm useless,
And my mind starts letting go,
Of every ounce of sense
It ever had.
I am a monster who deserves
To feel so bad.
My body is a mass of pain
On pause,
Untill I hit myself,
Release it's claws.
See what I'm trying to confess
Is that I'm crazy more or less,
But I don't want to tell a soul,
Because my madness makes me whole,
And if I tell the Doctor truly,
Then he'll dose me up, and duly,
I will be that empty shell I was before,
When I couldn't feel a thing,not any more.
I am humiliated
By my actions,
Control ebbs back to me
In hard won fractions.
Head aches from hands
That should know better,
Which is why I'm writing
This damn letter,
To set things straight,
To make them clear-
About the real pain
That I fear.
So before I lose my thoughts-
Let it be said,
I'd rather lose my hope,
Than lose my head,
Because although I'm damaged,
Heart raw red,
I'd rather be brain hurt
Than be brain dead.
See what I'm trying to confess
Is that I'm crazy more or less,
But I don't want to tell a soul,
Because my madness makes me whole,
And if I tell the Doctor truly,
Then he'll dose me up, and duly,
I will be that empty shell I was before,
When I couldn't feel a thing,not any more.
A contest entry
- TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 9 Feelings by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 29, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What Are The Sounds Of Horror Within Yourself? by theredcatjazzoflove.
700 points, ended October 10, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this is a very great poem and your right the doctors thats all they think about closing you in sedating you when your whole being is already fucken sedated i love this good luck in the contest
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Congratulations on reaching the finalist list in our contest, unfortunately you were not lucky this time.
Please join us in the final contest. You may enter twice, but new writes only. We look forward to reading more from you.
Sue and Jeff
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I recall reading this piece some time ago I loved it then and found that time has not changed my opinion on it Still a great write Good luck in the contest
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at last, one who fully understands and precisely share my life of nightmares. Like you I find it better to live un-medicated than not to live "Brain Dead"
Joe
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Thanks. I think my creativity is my best medicine.
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Brilliant write
I remember these emotions that used to consume my very soul. I even fall back into this place on occassion but my writing is what brings me back.
When you refer to the meds that make you an empty shell, I recall how many suffers resist this therapy, but it does have its place if done carefully.
This is a strong poem, expressing the fear, the pain, the anger, the need, the self-hatred of depression sufferers.
Truly well written, my friend.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance - for this is the journey to help your soul heal
Rosemary
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I know -exactly- how you feel. Sometimes it's better to hurt than not feel anything at all.
This is really well done, and it's almost lyrical with the repeating bit---the rhymes are there but by no means are you distracted by them. Some poems tend to rhyme well, but you get too caught up in thinking about the rhyming and not the content. This isn't one of those.
On a weird note, I don't usually find a great number of poems that resonate with me so well, but today has been strange. All of us APers are on the same wavelength, I guess.
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You're not useless =]
Whenever you think that, just remember there's poetry - live for poetry, write write and with your poetry, help people.
X -
that is the shit more or less
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Wow this one is powerful, Clearly the last thing you are is brain dead.I takes an active mind to write something as well done as this is.Say whats wrong with being a little crazy anyway.All the worlds geniuses are I should know i was certified years ago
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bless you Legend, xx
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this is awesome!
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You know as I read this i'm reminded of "The Streets", maybe it's because I thought of them when I saw you were from across the pond. It's also written as a song yes? Feels like the chorus or refrain(which I love,very catchy!) was written first for some reason;Is this so? I would like to stand up and confess that I have never been quite right either; as I age I am more happy than troubled by that. I like the line: Scrub the darkness all away,
Perhaps with bleach...
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:)
I love The Streets, but Goldie Lookin Chain are funnier...lol.Thanks for reading!
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good poem!! you did a great job writting the poem!!!! I really enjoy it!!! keep on writting
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Very Good
This is one of the best things I've read all day. I loved how yout alked about even if your brain is fried it's better then not feeling anything at all. Keep it up
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wow..this is a very vivid poem..i can actually relate to this because sometimes its like i'm going crazy..but ur poem made it click..i Would rather be brain hurt than brain dead..good job..i really like the poem
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