Something's broken

Don't let me wonder, if I tried I might
Go back to that thing I was, hey, there He
Is, summoned by my thoughts, and sometimes
I think I have nothing left to say, but then I
Look into the mirror, and it brings it back once
More, all the pain and guilt, and should I
Wonder why it feels so right? Why it's the
Only thing that's real, I couldn't confess
Enough to kill the hurt, it's true then,
You're sick inside, did you fight the war and
Lose? Drink the draught and kneel? Did
You bow your head to your negativity, and crown
Him King? Don't let me wonder, it doesn't
Bring comfort, hey didn't you know? That's
Why I'm closer to death than I was back then,
The more I think it through, the more it
Brings it back to me, why me and that man in
The mirror never hold to faith, watch his
Lips quirk, silent laughter in his mind, I
Read it in his eyes, there's something about
It that reminds me of my dad, and the things
I never said, of that brother I never held,
I fight a war against my mind, why does it bring
It back for me? I can't kill the hurt, no matter
How I rage, how I drink my life away, the seasons
Passed in wine, did I ever know a moment of
Peace, perhaps some happiness? I laughed the
Thought away, but then why does it ring so false?
A little forced, like something's broken deep inside.