You think I am treasure
A beauty that might be stolen
So very much am I
That you fear to lose
But you do not see
The hunter in me
The prize within your own
Bejeweled leaves
Are you blind too your own
Diamond mind
Deaf to the jade wonders
Of your body?
And when I know
(as I do)
Tis one or the other
I assure you I will choose
Your rainbow leaves
Over their gold
every day.
Author notes
I thought of this walking to law class but your title gave me the spin the needed to make this more than a talk, thanks.
A contest entry
- Titles by Head-Full-Of-Sounds.
450 points, ended November 19, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It doesn't feel like it flows. Suggestions? How does it feel to you?
Comments
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I love this. It's a bit too self explanatory for my tastes, but the idea definitely makes it worth it. I loved this stanza:
"Are you blind too your own
Diamond mind
Deaf to the jade wonders
Of your body?"
Even fgor that it's worth reading this poem, and the ending is touchy and original, though I feel the way you worded it is a little overused to do your poem justice (though I'm not sure how to explain exactly what makes me feel so).
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Beautiful job on this! I added that title for the simple reason that, there are leaves falling all around me and even though I love to see the trees with just green leaves, I love the bright colors it puts all over the ground. I love the way you put this together, beautiful yet a bit of question up until the end.
great job and good luck.
♥ head full of sounds ♥ -
in the 3rd stanza 'too' should be 'to'. ...overall i like it it though. though i'm not sure i like it with so little punctuation. ..but a good read none the less.
Candace
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