seams frayed
ages of afflictions
tore them
as broken leather,
stuffing protrudes
from shattered limbs
due to malice embezzlement
darkness falls in silent repression,
two empty orbs
once azure blue
now void of life
numb to reality,
scar in large X
marks the spot
once beating so gentle
never heard again,
rotting fabric
string hangs from
small pull
all falls apart,
now a heap on the floor
misfit pieces
no longer whole, broken
~she has come undone.
Author notes
True_Sight_by_Anakronik.jpg
In a list
A contest entry
- Maybe when I wake up, it won't hurt anymore... by Avalanche.Echo.
375 points, ended November 16, 2007, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me inside your head by icyrose.
900 points, ended November 8, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me emotions by BonaFidePoet.
600 points, ended December 3, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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this is another fantastic poem i love your descriptions and the images it forms....fabulaous.xx
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My
Lost hope and a regression into ones own private hell it seems. we, of the dark travel different paths it seems. Sunshine just a wish. Dark and yet wonderful poet. -
The mind
Amazing what the mind can to to the heart and body. Eyes thhat stare into empty spaces and a body that just feels unnatural. The great depression strikes hard and cold.
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Believe it or not, I read that book, reccommended by Ophra's book club "She's Come Undone" it was a good book as is your poem
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Spectacular imagery. I liked this one a lot, line spacing was perfect. I love how everything leads up to the last line. Great great job!
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Loved this poem...I can just picture the whole situation and the metaphors you use are perfect and unique. I loved how you compared your eyes to empty orbs and how you compare things to fabric, which is the thing that alas falls so easily apart.
Great and original piece!
Good Luck!
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Lots of great imagery in this piece! Really, every line stood out. Really great descriptive language. Very intriguing...very all over the place, almost chaotic. Good job!
Thank you for entering and good luck in he contest! -
Wow, this is done REALLY well. The imagery you used is fantastic!
seams frayed
ages of afflictions
tore them
as broken leather,
stuffing protrudes
from shattered limbs
due to malice embezzlement
darkness falls in silent repression,
This was my favorite part, though I loved it all. This is really good. Good luck! -
VERY intriguing write. There are alot of ways this can be interpreted. Insanity of the mind? Lost on ones thoughts, perhaps? I didnt mind this write at all, though u did not mention what disorder u suffer from. please place it in your author notes.
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wow this was really good,sad but it was a great read.it was exactly what i was looking for in this contest,thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest!
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Each stanza plays off the next so well, slowly unraveling the piece to the finale. Wonderful write.
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Rotting corpse left to taint the air we breath,
A fetid stain on life,
The claws really sink in on this one,
Amazing....
-Brenden
xxx
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Profoundly disturbing and beautiful. Sad, yet wondering. You truly did an amazing job with this. I don't really know what else I can say. Thanks for entering.
Chelsea
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Deep and saddening to think that one can fall so utterley. Where ones soul is disturbed and shaken to the core of being. Coming to the brink of destruction and beyond.
Wonderful use of metaphor. Best to you in the contest.
Love,
Mouser
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