The party was out of control.
It was a dark night,
and the house was dim.
The body temperature heated things up.
The music was louder then ever.
How was I to know the drinks were rigged?
I had not a clue,
after I had about 7 drinks.
I stumbled up the stairs.
The first door I saw,
I stepped in to a King size bed.
My body dropped on it harder then ever.
It was so hot,
I never felt like this.
My heart was beating faster then ever.
I heard a noise;
a gorgeous boy walked in the room,
maybe a little older then me.
He talked but his words didn’t register to me right.
I wondered what he said,
while his hands explored my body.
Oh, the feeling was great.
Was I on drugs?
I wasn’t sure.
He undressed himself and I,
Oh the moment.
I wasn’t sure what was wrong, I didn’t care.
It felt great,
every touch,
and every sound.
The next morning I woke up
in the emergency room.
I overdosed on ecstasy.
That explains everything.
Author notes
"I feel, I love, so I live"
A contest entry
- Make me cry, laugh, and wish for more by dreamfinder.
520 points, ended October 19, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's up to you by Marctheman.
700 points, ended November 26, 2007, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come along AP Poets, Time to Win!! by Hebz.
525 points, ended March 17, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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i meant That*--first line, lol
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hat really happened??
Must be crazy
Very well done indeed, like how you put it, regardless the spelling mistakes, I could read it anyway...
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
i liked this.
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very nice write.
but you should of used a little more abstract clues and stuff instead of just saying everything that happened.
i did like it tho
good luck
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It's okay. I don't feel how you felt in this situation because you simply told us what happened and didn't use poetic devices. You just told us -- sans any abstraction -- and do keep in mind that descriptions and metaphors say a lot more than simply saying how great something was.
Kind of boring overall. You just don't draw a reader in.
--Cristina -
I love this. The only thing that really stands out to me is a grammar mistake. It just kind of distracts from the entire poem. "The first door I seen". It's a great concept, however, with a simple truths and great phrasing. The breaking out of the last line is perfection. It's just that one word in that one line that's bothersome
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ohhhhhhhh wow, yes I know this drug well and hmmmmmmmm wow. Great read, good luck!
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this is good! thank you for entering and good luck!
leslie
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Very well done about a subject that gets too little attention because of shame until somebody ends up in the hospital. Bless you...Scott
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How was I to know the drinks were rigged?"
I do not understand how drinks can be "rigged", unless they are going to explode, or something. Drinks can be "spiked", perhaps that's the word you're looking for?
"I had no a clue," - "no" would be "not".
"My body dropped on it harder then ever." - "I believe that "then" would be "than".
Well, now you know why you had such a great time.
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Thanks for correcting all my errors!im sure your poems are "perfect"
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Well that sucks, I hope that didn't really happen.
"The first door I seen" seen should be saw. -
dont forget to add what part of my familia you want to be
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ummm.......
DAMN girl I really hoped that you didnt od on x. but this was very good I liked how I began to think it was going to be a happy ending till the the last line and I love the foreshadowing question of " was I on drugs" Great write thanks for the entry -
This was a great subject, you did it well too. Good luck with everything
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Well, I get by this, that a lot of unknowing went by the wayside and gives an example of fear, in that partying is ok, as long as you are aware of the aftereffects of having a good time. Hoped this was a fictitious story, but it looks true!
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wow this was a great write but i hope it isn't personal
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This is really good. I like it a lot and I like how raw it is. You told a great story. Great job and thanks for your entry.
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This is tight!
I like this poem and the realness that you bring to it. i hope that maybe you would be willing to publish this poem in a book someday and one day i hope to see it and read it again in the near future. this is pure talent at it's finest. keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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awesome.
this was an awesome write! well done...but id have to agree the ending doesnt really fit, are you talking about a rape here, or a one night stand?, did THEY give u ecstasy u was unaware of?....or did u know u was takin ecstacy?.....did u really enjoy the one nighter with the dude or was it the drugs?.....you need to share your thoughts and emotions on what happened...but other then that it was good..keep it up xx
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It wa not rape, as i said i didnt care, which means it was a one night stand. I said i didnt know what happened to me, "Oh, the feeling was great.
Was I on drugs?
I wasn’t sure."
it is a myserious ending..prt 2 is coming
glad u liked it.
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Omg
That Was S0o0o0o0o0o0 good !!!! o m g -
damn
that was awesome
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lol!
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Well, the ending didn't seem to quite fit the tale, nor the word choice accurately convey your emotion. Were you frightened? Dazed? Confused? And if so, your word choice should relfect these emotions.
However, in an case, you have written an excellent poem. Bravo
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This is funny I like it.
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omg this is really good i like this you did great omg im spechless
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