Inseperable lips parting
drowning under the stars;
clocks stop there ticking
along the sandy sea shore.
~*~
We danced in the moonglow
to a silent love symphony;
embraced within frantic arms
lavishing intense harmony.
~*~
whipping unfurling bliss
I was lost in
his kiss.
A contest entry
- 15 lines or less... by xTomorrowx.
450 points, ended October 26, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
very romantic. Nice impressions. only complaint the use of his in the second stanza when you started with our. It jars. better to say our embraced within our arms or our arms encircled each . . . it intensifies the beauty of the last first if you move from vision, cojoined to personal. My take.
Love, Tom B.
-
this is really sweet, i love the meaning of it, its a brilliant write!
i love
"We danced in the moonglow
to a silent love symphony;"
that's great, i love that bit, and i love:
"whipping unfurling bliss
I was lost in
his kiss."
too, that's a great bit as well, i really like this poem, thanks heaps for entering and good luck! =) -
Wow this is really good. My favorite lines are:
'We danced in the moonglow
to a silent love symphony;'
They're very vivid words.
In the last part you definatly get that feeling of being lost in happiness.
I really like this.
Well done, it's a great write!
Keep it up,
The Black Poet
Adding your comment:
